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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent to you agree or disagree? v.4

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 4
It is generally believed that the education plays a vital part in bracing young men and women for the contemporary world. Subjects such as arts and crafts and music should be removed from the syllabus in order to children to concentrate on beneficial courses such as information technology and computer science. In my opinion, it is obvious in today’s world we are surrounded by technology and science. However, this does not mean that merely technology-related subjects are important. Technological literacy gained much importance than ever before with the advances in science and knowledge. When recruiting new employees just about every job in all sectors and industries seek individuals with a prior knowledge of technology. Moreover, possessing computer skills are no longer considered as just an advantage but an absolute necessity. Omitting other subjects from the curriculum will contribute to the development of positive science rapidly. A conducted survey suggests that human brain is more productive when its interested in one particular issue at a time. On the other hand, artistic subjects feed our soul and lead to development of our spiritual world. The technological subjects are already mentally demanding. Through musical activities and arts the youngsters may relax themselves and enjoy their inside journey. Furthermore, in the future they can be world renowned musicians and artists. In other words, some children may find aforementioned topics more interesting and be successful. In conclusion, despite technology and science have taken over our world there might be some children who are interested in a career apart from these. I believe that, all subjects should stressed equally or similarly.
It is
generally
believed that the education plays a vital part in bracing young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women for the contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subjects
such as arts and crafts and music should
be removed
from the syllabus in order to children to concentrate on beneficial courses such as information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. In my opinion, it is obvious in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
we
are surrounded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
However
, this does not mean that
merely
technology-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Technological literacy gained much importance than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
with the advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and knowledge. When recruiting new employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about every job in all sectors and industries seek individuals with a prior knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Moreover
, possessing computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are no longer considered as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an advantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an absolute necessity. Omitting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
from the curriculum will contribute to the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
rapidly
. A conducted survey suggests that human brain is more productive when its interested in one particular issue at a time.

On the other hand
, artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
feed our soul and lead to development of our spiritual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are already mentally demanding. Through musical activities and arts the youngsters may relax themselves and enjoy their inside journey.
Furthermore
, in the future they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
renowned musicians and artists.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children may find aforementioned topics more interesting and be successful.

In conclusion
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
have taken over our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children who
are interested
in a career apart from these. I believe that, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "stress"
stressed
equally
or
similarly
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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