It is generally believed that the education plays a vital part in bracing young men and women for the contemporary world. Subjects such as arts and crafts and music should be removed from the syllabus in order to children to concentrate on beneficial courses such as information technology and computer science. In my opinion, it is obvious in today’s world we are surrounded by technology and science. However, this does not mean that merely technology-related subjects are important.
Technological literacy gained much importance than ever before with the advances in science and knowledge. When recruiting new employees just about every job in all sectors and industries seek individuals with a prior knowledge of technology. Moreover, possessing computer skills are no longer considered as just an advantage but an absolute necessity. Omitting other subjects from the curriculum will contribute to the development of positive science rapidly. A conducted survey suggests that human brain is more productive when its interested in one particular issue at a time.
On the other hand, artistic subjects feed our soul and lead to development of our spiritual world. The technological subjects are already mentally demanding. Through musical activities and arts the youngsters may relax themselves and enjoy their inside journey. Furthermore, in the future they can be world renowned musicians and artists. In other words, some children may find aforementioned topics more interesting and be successful.
In conclusion, despite technology and science have taken over our world there might be some children who are interested in a career apart from these. I believe that, all subjects should stressed equally or similarly.
It is
generally
believed that the education plays a vital part in bracing young
men
and women for the contemporary
world
.
Subjects
such as arts and crafts and music should
be removed
from the syllabus in order to children to concentrate on beneficial courses such as information
technology
and computer
science
. In my opinion, it is obvious in
today
’s
world
we
are surrounded
by
technology
and
science
.
However
, this does not mean that
merely
technology-related
subjects
are
important
.
Technological literacy gained much importance than ever
before
with the advances in
science
and knowledge. When recruiting new employees
just
about every job in all sectors and industries seek individuals with a prior knowledge of
technology
.
Moreover
, possessing computer
skills
are no longer considered as
just
an advantage
but
an absolute necessity. Omitting other
subjects
from the curriculum will contribute to the development of
positive
science
rapidly
. A conducted survey suggests that human brain is more productive when its interested in one particular issue at a time.
On the other hand
, artistic
subjects
feed our soul and lead to development of our spiritual
world
. The technological
subjects
are already mentally demanding. Through musical activities and arts the youngsters may relax themselves and enjoy their inside journey.
Furthermore
, in the future they can be
world
renowned musicians and artists.
In other words
,
some
children may find aforementioned topics more interesting and be successful.
In conclusion
, despite
technology
and
science
have taken over our
world
there might be
some
children who
are interested
in a career apart from these. I believe that, all
subjects
should
stressed
equally
or
similarly
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes