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Some people believe teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit the teenagers and the community as well. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Share personal examples if applicable. v.1

Some people believe teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit the teenagers and the community as well. with this point of view? Share personal examples if applicable. v. 1
Charity work for adolescents is often debated topic. Whereas apart from society thinks that volunteering work ought to be mandatory in their spare time. Indeed, I agree with this sentence because unpaid services work benefits the teen aging child to learn the meaning of the community spirit, and they can gain new skills and experience. Firstly, raising children on helping others, will implant the spirit of co-operation in their hearts. Therefore, it will appear in their behavior. For example, when I was young my father has registered me in a charitable organization which produce unpaid services for poverty people this has helped me to be close to the poor people and knew more about their agony daily life and taught me the value of empathy with poor persons. Thus, it is understandable that instilling philanthropy may has positive benefits for the volunteer as well as the person or the community served. Secondly, working as voluntary, will improve the adolescents experience and help them to acquire new skills. For Instance, most companies prefer the graduates who have worked for a charity places when they were in their teen aging period because this proves that they value of their spare time and the also have a modest level of work experience which is set the graduate a part from all the applicant for the job. Therefore, they are favorable to the employees more than youngsters who are not familiar with the professional life. To conclude, volunteerism is not only good for the juvenile child, but it is also great for their own-being and intend to make contacts for possible employment.
Charity
work
for adolescents is
often
debated topic.
Whereas
apart from society
thinks
that volunteering
work
ought to be mandatory in their spare time.
Indeed
, I
agree
with this sentence
because
unpaid services
work
benefits the teen aging child to learn the meaning of the community spirit, and they can gain new
skills
and experience.

Firstly
, raising children on helping others, will implant the spirit of co-operation in their hearts.
Therefore
, it will appear in their behavior.
For example
, when I was young my father has registered me in a charitable organization which produce unpaid services for poverty
people
this has
helped
me to be close to the poor
people
and knew more about their agony daily life and taught me the value of empathy with poor persons.
Thus
, it is understandable that instilling philanthropy may has
positive
benefits for the volunteer
as well
as the person or the community served.

Secondly
, working as voluntary, will
improve
the adolescents experience and
help
them to acquire new
skills
.
For Instance
, most
companies
prefer the graduates who have worked for a charity places when they were in their teen aging period
because
this proves that they value of their spare time and the
also
have a modest level of
work
experience which
is set
the graduate a part from all the applicant for the job.
Therefore
, they are favorable to the employees more than youngsters who are not familiar with the professional life.

To conclude
, volunteerism is not
only
good
for the juvenile child,
but
it is
also
great for their
own
-being and intend to
make
contacts for possible employment.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit the teenagers and the community as well. with this point of view? Share personal examples if applicable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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