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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. v. 2
In this digital era, professions involving technical expertise in computers and managing data are more in demand, therefore considering their importance educational institutions have been providing huge attention to these subjects in their curriculum and preparing to remove courses which are focused on creativity and self expression. I agree with the given statement and but also feel that the subjects like arts is imperative in terms of building critical thinking and interpretation as whole. To commence with, seeing the reputation and demand, schools are giving more stress to the subjects like information technology in their course. Firstly, with the advancements in field of computer sciences number of job opportunities get increased in this sector and gain attention of society because of secure future and more respect. For instance, companies in the U. S. A recruit each year lakhs of graduates, moreover, provide sophisticated salary packages and give promotion to their employees which has not been seen in any other profession due to their significant demand, furthermore, individuals working in these companies get reputation worldwide. The reason schools start concentrating more on this subject. On the contrary, educational institutions cut down subject focusing on imagination and individualism because of less demand as future roles also less wages. It is believed that the jobs involving subjects like arts are more oriented towards philosophy and fictionlization which is no more useful in this real life, moreover, salary given in these professions is much less than others. Hence, these institutions started giving less or no importance to arts stream course. Although it is important to have knowledge about computer subjects because of bright future aspect, however, stream involving arts is also pivotal for the upcoming generation because it will help to develop powers of self expression and creative mind set which is necessary for future jobs that require logical reasoning and analytical ability. In conclusion, I believe that both subjects must be equally concentrated in the syllabus of school because of their own significance.
In this digital era, professions involving technical expertise in computers and managing data are more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
,
therefore
considering their importance educational institutions have been providing huge attention to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in their curriculum and preparing to remove courses which
are focused
on creativity and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self expression
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is imperative in terms of building critical thinking and interpretation as whole.

To commence with, seeing the reputation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
, schools are giving more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like information technology in their course.
Firstly
, with the advancements in field of computer sciences number of job opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
increased in this sector and gain attention of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and more respect.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the U. S. A recruit each year lakhs of graduates,
moreover
, provide sophisticated salary packages and give promotion to their employees which has not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in any other profession due to their significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
,
furthermore
, individuals working in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
reputation worldwide. The reason schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
concentrating more on this subject.

On the contrary
, educational institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
focusing on imagination and individualism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
roles
also
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun wages is countable.
less
wages. It
is believed
that the jobs involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are more oriented towards philosophy and
Possible spelling mistake found.
fictionlization
which is no more useful in this real life,
moreover
, salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in these professions is much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than others.
Hence
, these institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
or no importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
stream course.

Although it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have knowledge about computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
aspect,
however
, stream involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is
also
pivotal for the upcoming generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop powers of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self expression
and creative mind set which is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
jobs that require logical reasoning and analytical ability.

In conclusion
, I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
equally
concentrated in the syllabus of school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance.
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We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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