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Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion. v.6

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. v. 6
Nowadays, sportsman is more influential on new generations. So, some people believe that professional athletes can create good role models for adolescence. However, some argue that they should not be good models. Personally, I strongly agree that athletes can be good role models. On the one hand, many people who believe that master athletes are good models because it is not easy to be a professional in one sport. Every player always practice hard for the best performance in each competition. Then, if juveniles want to success like a professional, they must practice hard and focus on their achievement. For example, a person who wants to be a sport professional need to practice every day and spent a lot of time to concentrate on it. Thus, professional athletes are a good person which has a high ambition and endeavour. On the other hand, some people argue that professional athletes are not good role models. The main reason is they focus on only sports, but not concern about another like education. For instance, many sport players do not go to school to study or any of them go to physical education school which focus on sports. This will lead to they will lack of another knowledge in the future. Furthermore, many of them disappoint to be a professional, consequently, it is difficult for them to find other jobs due to a lack of ability. In conclusion, professional athlete is a dream of many young people, but only some of them can reach. Nevertheless, professional athletes can be good models in term of high effort.
Nowadays, sportsman is more influential on new generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
for adolescence.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that they should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
.
Personally
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role models.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not easy to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Every player always practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the best performance in each competition. Then, if juveniles want to success like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and focus on their achievement.
For example
, a person who wants to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
need to practice every day and spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to concentrate on it.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person which has a high ambition and
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
. The main reason is they focus on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not concern about another like education.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
players do not go to school to study or any of them go to physical education school which focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This will lead to they will lack of another knowledge in the future.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them disappoint to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
,
consequently
, it is difficult for them to find other jobs due to a lack of ability.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
is a dream of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them can reach.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
in term of high effort.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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