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Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer. v. 2
The Senior citizen ratio has enhanced in many countries. Similarly, a group of people think that, it is a detrimental factor to their nations. While others assume that, elder people are important to the community. In my opinion, older people play a crucial role in nation's socioeconomic prospects. This essay will scrutinize both the factors and elucidate my views on the same. To begin with, significant increase in retired people count in a country, can rise financial problems and budget issues. Almost in every society, senior citizens are getting retired at certain age limit. After their professional retirement, there is no income to the economy from them. In addition to this, the government has to release funds and include certain schemes for the well-being of elderly people. For instance, developing countries like India has introduced a pension scheme for people who are aged above 60 years. If old people are growing day by day in this over populated nation, the government has to invest a lot on them. This will be a jeopardise to the Indian economy. In contrast to this, an equal amount of people believed that, elder people are crucial to the society in regard to the moral factors. Furthermore, Older people can share their professional and personal experience to the present contemporary generation. For example, older people who have been living from world war time can share their experience with the present adolescents, which they cannot get from the academic curriculum. To conclude, In correspondence to the both views, the senior citizens are predominant factors for the nation's economy. I strongly believe, old people are the backbone of not only families, but also for the countries. T
The Senior citizen ratio has enhanced in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Similarly
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, it is a detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to their nations. While others assume that, elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the community. In my opinion, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play a crucial role in nation's socioeconomic prospects. This essay will scrutinize both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
and elucidate my views on the same.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, significant increase in retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
count in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, can rise financial problems and budget issues. Almost in every society, senior citizens are getting retired at certain age limit. After their professional retirement, there is no income to the economy from them.
In addition
to this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
release funds and include certain schemes for the well-being of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India has introduced a pension scheme for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are aged
above 60 years. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are growing day by day in this over populated nation, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
invest a lot on them. This will be
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'jeopardise' is correct. If 'jeopardise' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a jeopardise
to the Indian economy.

In contrast
to this, an equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that, elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are crucial to the society in regard to the moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
.
Furthermore
, Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their professional and personal experience to the present contemporary generation.
For example
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have been living from world war time can share their experience with the present adolescents, which they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from the academic curriculum.

To conclude
, In correspondence to the both views, the senior citizens are predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
for the nation's economy. I
strongly
believe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the backbone of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. T
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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