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The responsibility for the environment rests with the individual and not only with the government. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The responsibility for the environment rests with the individual and not only with the government. v. 1
The trend of taking a year off between completing school education and joining university is increasing these days. While it provides an advantage of ample time for refreshing oneself and learning important skills, it could also lead to a mere waste of precious time. On the one hand, a year off between finishing school and going to a university has several merits. To commence with, it provides students time to relax and rejuvenate themselves after toiling hard to get good marks in high school. Moreover, this time can be utilized by them for learning skills such as a foreign language, driving a car and preparing for competitive exams. For instance, 80 percent of the students who clear entrance exam for engineering are one-year droppers. These kids spend an entire year on studying and making them capable of cracking such exams. Also, kids prefer volunteering for charity work in this free one year period. Thus, a time span of twelve months can certainly have many benefits if planned properly. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of having a gap of one year in between high school and university study. Firstly, most students ends up wasting this entire time doing nothing. In fact, they even forget the concepts they had learned in the school and thus are made to double their efforts while pursuing tertiary study. Furthermore, some children who start working may lose their interest in studies and find it difficult to follow the academic timetable later. For instance, a student doing a job might think of never going to university again. So, the trend of year gap can have long lasting negative effects on the children. In conclusion, a year's time off before pursuing tertiary education has advantages of better opportunities to learning and gaining experience. However, lack of proper planning can end up in the wastage of this valuable time.
The trend of taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off between completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education and joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is increasing these days. While it provides an advantage of ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for refreshing oneself and learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it could
also
lead to a mere waste of precious time.

On the one hand, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off between finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has several merits. To commence with, it provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and rejuvenate themselves after toiling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be utilized
by them for learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as a foreign language, driving a car and preparing for competitive exams.
For instance
, 80 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
entrance exam for engineering are one-year droppers. These kids spend an entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
on studying and making them capable of cracking such exams.
Also
, kids prefer volunteering for charity work in this free one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
period.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
span of twelve months can
certainly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits if planned
properly
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of having a gap of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in between high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
study.
Firstly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ends up wasting this entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing nothing. In fact, they even forget the concepts they had learned in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
thus
are made
to double their efforts while pursuing tertiary study.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working may lose their interest in studies and find it difficult to follow the academic timetable later.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
doing a job might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of never going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap can have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the children.

In conclusion
, a year's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
pursuing tertiary education has advantages of better opportunities to learning and gaining experience.
However
, lack of proper planning can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in the wastage of this valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The responsibility for the environment rests with the individual and not only with the government. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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