Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual should take responsibility for it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.4

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual should take responsibility for it. 4
With the advent of technology, gadgets and gizmos with ultra-modern features have flooded the market. Many people are swayed away by this trend and buying these products than ever before. I believe it is not ideal nor it is beneficial to purchase these products as adds up to unnecessary expenditure and also damage our ecosystem. To embark upon, buying the latest cellphones or laptops make people spendthrift. This is because of companies in order to make high profits and to stay competitive, release updates of products every six months. Although the changes are very cosmetics, it lures consumers’ to update with the new version as they feel the latest product is more superior. For example, according to the recent article published in the daily newspaper, 70 percent of people in the UK are replacing their old iPads with new ones influenced by updates. Customers are buying these updated products thus adding a big dent to their wallets. Secondly, over usage of electronic devices has a negative influence on our environment. The primary reason for this is that modern gadgets such as laptops, mobile phones come with excessive packaging. Disposal of this heaps of garbage is hard to manage and are being disposed of into our ecosystem such as rivers and seas which is causing pollution. To illustrate this, according to Oxford University, about 300 whales are dying every year due to the garbage thrown into seas and this number is likely to be double in the coming years. Therefore, people should think twice before purchasing anything. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that the popularity of high-end sophisticated appliances is adding to the debts. Moreover, it is degrading our environment. It is recommended people should be cautious before buying any new gadget.
With the advent of technology, gadgets and gizmos with ultra-modern features have flooded the market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are swayed
away by this trend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I believe it is not ideal nor it is beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
up to unnecessary expenditure and
also
damage our ecosystem.

To embark upon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
the latest cellphones or laptops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spendthrift. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
high profits and to stay competitive, release updates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
every six months. Although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cosmetics, it lures consumers’ to update with the new version as they feel the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is more superior.
For example
, according to the recent article published in the daily newspaper, 70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the UK are replacing their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
iPads with new ones influenced by updates. Customers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
these updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
thus
adding a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
dent to their wallets.

Secondly
, over usage of electronic devices has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on our environment. The primary reason for this is that modern gadgets such as laptops, mobile phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with excessive packaging. Disposal of
Did you mean "these"?
this
heaps of garbage is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to manage and are
being disposed
of into our ecosystem such as rivers and seas which is causing pollution. To illustrate this, according to Oxford University, about 300 whales are dying every year due to the garbage thrown into seas and this number is likely to be double in the coming years.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
purchasing anything.

In conclusion
, I would like to reiterate that the popularity of high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
sophisticated appliances is adding to the debts.
Moreover
, it is degrading our environment. It
is recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be cautious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
any new gadget.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual should take responsibility for it. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts