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You have received a letter from your bank, asking you to acknowledge receipt of a new bank card. However, the card was missing from the envelope. Write a letter to the bank's head office. In your letter: explain why you are writing express conce v.1

You have received a letter from your bank, asking you to acknowledge receipt of a new bank card. However, the card was missing from the envelope. Write a letter to the bank's head office. In your letter: explain why you are writing express conce v. 1
Many people consider movie stars and other eminent celebrities more valuable than scientists. To them, these personalities are contributing more to the society. But, I opine that their perspective is completely wrong as scientists can provide us with various innovations that can make our life comfortable. To begin with, inventions like mobile phones has changed the way we used to communicate in the past. Around 2 decades ago, only letters were used to get information about relatives living in far places. But now, within a fraction of seconds, one can make a call to anybody living in any part of the globe. To exemplify, I can easily talk to my siblings living in Canada. All this is possible because of inventors. They have lessened the distance and increased the bonding between family members. Contrary to this, famous personalities relating to glamour industry are often followed by fans. As their image is projected as of a hero on the screen, people start preaching them. Behind the screens they are entertaining masses, but in reality, these stars are way too different. For an instance, Lady Gaga, who has around 3 million followers on Instagram, is often seen consuming sedative substances, using abusive language. She is actually misleading youngsters. To conclude, it is clear that scientists are making our lives more peaceful and enjoyable. Without their inventions, we cannot even think of our survival and on the other hand, people associated with entertainment world are setting a bad example for the youth. Therefore, we must value people relating to world of innovations and respect them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider movie stars and other eminent celebrities more valuable than scientists. To them, these personalities are contributing more to the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I opine that their perspective is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
as scientists can provide us with various innovations that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life comfortable.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, inventions like mobile phones has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to communicate in the past. Around 2 decades ago,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
letters were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about relatives living in far places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, within a fraction of seconds, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a call to anybody living in any part of the globe. To exemplify, I can
easily
talk to my siblings living in Canada. All this is possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inventors. They have lessened the distance and increased the bonding between family members.

Contrary to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities relating to glamour industry are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
followed by fans. As their image
is projected
as of a hero on the screen,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
preaching them. Behind the screens they are entertaining masses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality, these stars are way too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. For an instance, Lady Gaga, who has around 3 million followers on Instagram, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
consuming sedative substances, using abusive language. She is actually misleading youngsters.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that scientists are making our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more peaceful and enjoyable. Without their inventions, we cannot even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of our survival and
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
associated with entertainment world are setting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for the youth.
Therefore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relating to world of innovations and respect them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay You have received a letter from your bank, asking you to acknowledge receipt of a new bank card. However, the card was missing from the envelope. Write a letter to the bank's head office. In your letter: explain why you are writing express conce v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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