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Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do agree or disagree? v.3

Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through internet, and they can study just as well at home. v. 3
Learning the difference between right and wrong at an early age is essential for children’s growth and development. While some people claim that abuse is an effective way to ensure them to do the right thing, I personally believe it is not necessarily a good method of teaching children good values. First of all, punishment might hurt a child’s feelings and thereby create negative impact on its heart and soul. Little kids don’t know any better, so grownups need to be more forgiving. For example, if children say inappropriate words, it would be better for a parent or a teacher to tell them it is not right to use those words, explain to help them truly understand why that behaviour is wrong. If a kid does something wrong out of innocence, blindly grounding him or order him to stand in a corner will only make the child even more confused and plan the seed of hatred which is not healthy for their growth. Secondly, beating is not as humane or effective as education is. Parents and teachers should set good examples for children to follow. Children need proper guidance. Recent research shows that 80% of children who receive guidance and advice from their parents are often regarded as good students and behave in a good demeanour. In contrast, punished children are more likely to resent it and behave badly as a way to release the stress from punishment. Despite such benefits, some proponents claim that punishment is something that every child has to be through on the way to become a good person. In fact, punishment should be based on reason. It has to be light, and not too harsh. And it must serve the purpose of education. For example, a child breaking a glass should be asked to replace it. He or she should be encouraged to earn money to buy a new glass by helping their parents do the housework. This kind of punishment should be promoted as it is reasonable while effectively sending the message that everyone must be responsible for all of their mistakes. In conclusion, punishing children is not what parents and teachers should consider as a top priority. Guiding and making the positive message clear to them matters above all else.
Learning the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
at an early age is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth and development. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that abuse is an effective way to ensure them to do the right thing, I
personally
believe it is not
necessarily
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
method of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
values.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
might hurt a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
feelings and thereby create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on its heart and soul.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
kids don’t know any better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
grownups need to be more forgiving.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
say inappropriate words, it would be better for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
or a teacher to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them it is not right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those words,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
truly
understand why that
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. If a kid does something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
out of innocence,
blindly
grounding him or order him to stand in a corner will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
even more confused and plan the seed of hatred which is not healthy for their growth.

Secondly
, beating is not as humane or effective as education is.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and teachers should set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
examples for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need proper guidance. Recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who receive guidance and advice from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
students and behave in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
demeanour
.
In contrast
, punished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to resent it and behave
badly
as a way to release the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from punishment.

Despite such benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proponents claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is something that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be through on the way to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
person. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should
be based
on reason. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be light, and not too harsh. And it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
serve the purpose of education.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
breaking a glass should
be asked
to replace it. He or she should
be encouraged
to earn money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new glass by helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do the housework. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should
be promoted
as it is reasonable while
effectively
sending the message that everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be responsible for all of their mistakes.

In conclusion
, punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers should consider as a top priority. Guiding and making the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
message
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to them matters
above all
else.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through internet, and they can study just as well at home. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
377 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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