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The recent popularity of online shopping will result in the end of high street shops. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.1

The recent popularity of online shopping will result in the end of high street shops. v. 1
In these recent years there has been a huge rise in online shopping. Although some feel that there will be no effect on small business. I, however, believe that there are three factors which will end the era of small business. Firstly, online shopping companies like Amazon, ebay offers different kinds of instalment facilities to the customers. While I concede that even small shops offers the same kind of service, the problem is that they support only limited finance companies. Whereas online business allows all types of finances like credit card, overdraft and so on. A good illustration of this is Sunday market, In this market most of the small business does not accept credit cards as they can't afford the transaction charges. Another key factor is twenty four hours shopping and delivery. Many supporters of small business claim that many numbers of shops in the city are open round the clock. However, I would argue that they are open all the time, but the comforts of shopping at your place in the midnight is a totally different experience. Beside this, in many foreign countries the night temperatures tend to be freezing and in this weather going out for shopping is dangerous. The final and most worrisome factor is expensive products. More and more small business often price their products high, because they have to cover all the expenses such as rent, labour, transport and so on. Whereas online shopping rarely matter all these things. Take Amazon, for example, they do not have a single physical shop in the whole country, as their maximum operations run through online computers. In short, not only online shopping causes local business to go bankrupt, but they also change the whole shopping experience to the next level. Therefore. I agree that they will make a huge impact on local street shops.
In these recent years there has been a huge rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that there will be no effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. I,
however
, believe that there are three factors which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
business.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Amazon,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebay
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
Possible spelling mistake. 'instalment' is British English.
instalment
facilities to the customers. While I concede that even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
offers the same kind of service, the problem is that they support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited finance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
all types of finances like credit card, overdraft and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is Sunday market, In this market most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
does not accept credit cards as they can't afford the transaction charges.

Another key factor is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty four
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and delivery.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the city are open round the clock.
However
, I would argue that they are open all the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the comforts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at your place in the midnight is a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience. Beside this, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreign countries the night temperatures tend to be freezing and in this weather going out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

The final and most worrisome factor is expensive products. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
price their products high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cover all the expenses such as rent,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, transport and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
rarely matter all these things. Take Amazon,
for example
, they do not have a single physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
in the whole country, as their maximum operations run through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
computers.

In short, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
causes local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to go bankrupt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
experience to the
next
level.
Therefore
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge impact on local street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The recent popularity of online shopping will result in the end of high street shops. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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