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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 2
We can often hear from friends 'Why did you give him it? It would be better for you to gift him money instead of this useless thing'. Based on this I think we can split all the people into two parts. The ones who believe that money is the best option. And the ones who think that the personal gift is more convenient as a gift. Let's try to justify each side of the question. Why money could be more useful for anyone, including teenagers? We can say easily see that money could be converted to almost anything. Definitely this is the advantage of gifting the money. Also, the money could help achieve the goals that no one knows except the person who were given the money. That works especially for teenagers, because quite often we don't know their wishes a priory. So, summing everything up, we can say that gifting the money provides more freedom. On the other side gifting the money could have the disadvantages too. Teenagers can spend them quite fast on things they don't need or buy something that can be dangerous for them to use. For example guns, drugs, cigarettes etc. Despite of all freedom that money provides personal gift can be used to create unique memories. Also, if you know the person very well you can gift a useful thing and it will be surprising. We can't point out that giving a particular gift to someone saves him from wasting money on bad things. In conclusion, I think both money and particular thing could be a good gift. If you don't know what you should buy for anyone you can always split into two parts.
We can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hear from friends 'Why did you give him it? It would be better for you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of this useless thing'.

Based on this I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we can split all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into two parts.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the best option.

And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is more convenient as a gift.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's try to justify each side of the question.

Why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could be more useful for anyone, including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
?

We can say
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be converted
to almost anything.

Definitely this is the advantage of gifting the money.

Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
achieve the goals that no one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knows
except the person who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. That works
especially
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
we don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
their wishes a priory.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, summing everything up, we can say that gifting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
provides more freedom.

On the other side gifting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could have the disadvantages too.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
can spend them quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
on things they don't need or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something that can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
For example
guns, drugs, cigarettes etc.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
all freedom that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
provides personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to create unique memories.

Also
, if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
the person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
a useful thing and it will be surprising.

We can't point out that giving a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
to someone saves him from wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and particular thing could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
gift.

If you don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what you should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
for anyone you can always split into two parts.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
17 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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