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The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give opinions. v.3

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. v. 3
Moving abroad is being increasingly done by groups of people. Some of them think that this is beneficial, while others believe it to be difficult for their children. Shifting to another country is fruitful as it makes the individuals culturally diversified and better equipped to deal with pressure. Although this can have a profound impact on the self confidence of certain kids, which should be handled well. In my view, this is a good practice as it makes people more and more informed about the conditions of different states. Generally, families move to different countries for the purpose of employment or education. This makes their wards experience the culture of different regions. As a result, they are much more diverse and enjoy the privileges of locals as well. It also makes them much more experienced in dealing with strangers and coping with the pressures of being an outsider. They learn to excel in their classes to stand out since they represent their region. For example, A student in his own country won't find much motivation to excel in his school. But, if he is representing a nation outside, he will take pride and work much harder to reach his goals. A child feels safe and comfortable in his native surroundings. Taking him out of such an environment and placing him an alienated place can lead to disastrous consequences. For example, There would be a different language that locals use to interact and the non local will not be well versed with it. This will lead to a feeling of inferiority in the child and thereby depression. However, such instances can be tackled by appropriate counselling by parents, teachers and relatives, thereby making him or her accustomed to the region. To conclude, transferring your family to another country is being increasingly practiced. Some believe it to be beneficial while others do not. It can enhance the cultural knowledge and give some experience to deal with untoward events. Although, it can also cause deleterious effects on some, this can be tackled by proper methods of teaching.
Moving abroad is being
increasingly
done by groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is beneficial, while others believe it to be difficult for their children. Shifting to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is fruitful as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the individuals
culturally
diversified and better equipped to deal with pressure. Although this can have a profound impact on the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
of certain kids, which should
be handled
well. In my view, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more and more informed about the conditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
states.

Generally
, families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for the purpose of employment or education. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
their wards experience the culture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
regions.
As a result
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more diverse and enjoy the privileges of locals
as well
. It
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more experienced in dealing with strangers and coping with the pressures of being an outsider. They learn to excel in their classes to stand out since they represent their region.
For example
, A student in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
won't find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
motivation to excel in his school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if he is representing a nation outside, he will take pride and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
harder to reach his goals.

A child feels safe and comfortable in his native surroundings. Taking him out of such an environment and placing him an alienated place can lead to disastrous consequences.
For example
, There would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
language that locals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to interact and the
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non local
will not be well versed with it. This will lead to a feeling of inferiority in the child and thereby depression.
However
, such instances can
be tackled
by appropriate counselling by parents, teachers and relatives, thereby making him or her accustomed to the region.

To conclude
, transferring your family to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is being
increasingly
practiced.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe it to be beneficial while others do not. It can enhance the cultural knowledge and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience to deal with untoward
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. Although, it can
also
cause deleterious effects on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, this can
be tackled
by proper methods of teaching.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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