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The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinions. v.1

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. v. 1
It is true that, nowadays technology plays an important role in our life. Some people think that technology development can cause to unequality between the poor and the rich, while others suppose oppositely. In my opinion, technology has made contribution to equality for every member in society. Certain inventions and discoveries decreased the gap between people of different income levels. This is because they are accessible to all people due to their availability at cheaper rates. For example, the internet technology is available to almost all sections of the society. It is affordable to all people and certain places such as railway stations, bus stations and airport are WiFi hotspots where internet is freely available. Online shopping facilities, e-learning opportunities and social networking sites are available to both affluent and poor people in the society and they decrease the gap between the upper and low classes. Furthermore, they can take online courses that presented by prestigious foreign universities and benefit from them. However, certain advancements in technology are not affordable for the low income people of the society. People in developed countries can work at home or from anywhere in the world. Moreover, they can even go online-shopping, things can be delivered to their home by just one mouse-click. Secondly, the progress of medicine can treat a range of diseases, however, the cost of treatment is increasingly high, which is only affordable for the wealthy. So many people in developing countries are suffering the severe pain or even die because of poverty. In conclusion, certain innovations in technology decrease the gap between the rich and the poor while certain developments make society more polarized. It is hoped that in the near future all technologies will be available to all people regardless of their economic status.
It is true that, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development can cause to
Possible spelling mistake found.
unequality
between the poor and the rich, while others suppose
oppositely
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made contribution to equality for every member in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Certain
inventions and discoveries decreased the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
income levels. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are accessible to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to their availability at cheaper rates.
For example
, the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
to almost all sections of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. It is affordable to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
places such as railway stations, bus stations and airport are
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
WiFi
hotspots where internet is
freely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
. Online shopping facilities, e-learning opportunities and social networking sites are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
to both affluent and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they decrease the gap between the upper and low classes.
Furthermore
, they can take online courses that presented by prestigious foreign universities and benefit from them.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are not affordable for the low income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
can work at home or from anywhere in the world.
Moreover
, they can even go online-shopping, things can
be delivered
to their home by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one mouse-click.
Secondly
, the progress of medicine can treat a range of diseases,
however
, the cost of treatment is
increasingly
high, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affordable for the wealthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are suffering the severe pain or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
innovations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
decrease the gap between the rich and the poor while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
developments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
more polarized. It
is hoped
that in the near future all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their economic status.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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