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The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give opinions. v.5

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. v. 5
Some people believe that different types of technology result to vast disparities between rich users and poor user; whilst others take the view that it makes a positive effect. From my perspective, it is true that this gap is being increased due to technological developments. It is clear that people having high living-standard accessed to technological world long time ago. The latest smartphones, the newest laptops, wireless broadband Internet are common in developed countries. It enable these people to work at home or anywhere in the world as long as there is wireless fidelity in this place, they also do shopping online and wait for shops sending products directly to their addresses; whereas citizens in poor countries just afford to buy old mobile phones or laptops or some technique On the other hand, thanks to developments of technology, poor residents in developing or under developing nations could be able to access to the Internet and broaden their knowledge outside of their countries. For example, in the past, only people in the developed nations accessed to world-class libraries; however, Internet allows everyone despite rich one or poor one to have accession to the same materials. In conclusion, though there are some benefits from technological developments, I strongly believe that the range of technology available makes the gap become larger and larger.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of technology result to vast disparities between rich users and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
user; whilst others take the view that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect. From my perspective, it is true that this gap is
being increased
due to technological developments.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having high living-standard accessed to technological world long time ago. The latest smartphones, the newest laptops, wireless broadband Internet are common in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. It
Did you mean "enables"?
enable
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work at home or anywhere in the world as long as there is wireless fidelity in this place, they
also
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
online and wait for shops sending products
directly
to their addresses; whereas citizens in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
mobile phones or laptops or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
technique


On the other hand
, thanks to developments of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
residents in developing or under developing nations could be able to access to the Internet and broaden their knowledge
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their countries.
For example
, in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the developed nations accessed to world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
libraries;
however
, Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
everyone despite rich one or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
one to have accession to the same materials.

In conclusion
, though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits from technological developments, I
strongly
believe that the range of technology available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the gap become larger and larger.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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