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Some people think that the news media nowadays have influenced people’s lives in negative ways. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that the news media nowadays have influenced people’s lives in negative ways. v. 2
In the modern world people depend on news medias in order to get to know the current affairs that take place in and around the world. A set of people believe that at present they bring some kind of negative impact as they move away from their fundamental duties. Therefore I agree with the statement because they focus more on their benefits rather than their duties. Admittedly it is true that both printed and visual medias play an important role in every individuals life. Because, people are always keen enough to know about the incidence that happen in various parts of the world. But nowadays, these medias turned out to be a profit oriented business and they pay more attention in increasing their viewership by spreading fabricated news. Moreover they implement different strategies which in turn only increase their net earnings and number of subscribers. For example, if a media manipulate a real incident with their imagination there is a high possibility of misleading the people who read or watch that news. Hence, it brings negative effects as the real situation is hidden from the people. Another interesting fact is that majority ofthe news medias are bribed by different political parties and religion in order to propagate their ideology. These medias, in fact, act as the puppets to safeguard all the scams and allegations that these institutions commits. In addition to this they utilize all possible means to please those people who believe in deep in that particular political or religious ideologies. For instance, a survey conducted by the central ministry of India reveals that majority of the leading news medias are funded by either a political party or religion. As a result, these medias circulate cooked up stories and cause conflict among the people. To sum up, the prime duty of news medias is to give the clear picture of what exactly happened. But, at present, many of them forget it and run behind profit and pay more attention in pleasing people those who provide financial aids to them. Hence they manipulate the real stories with their imagination and thereby create negative impact among people.
In the modern world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs that take place in and around the world. A set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that at present they bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from their fundamental duties.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they focus more on their benefits
rather
than their duties.

Admittedly
it is true that both printed and visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in every
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "individuals'" or "individual's"?
individuals
life.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always keen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to know about the incidence that happen in various parts of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
turned out to be a profit oriented
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
business and
they pay more attention in increasing their viewership by spreading fabricated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase their net earnings and number of subscribers.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
manipulate a real incident with their imagination there is a high possibility of misleading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who read or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Hence
, it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects as the real situation
is hidden
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another interesting fact is that majority
Possible spelling mistake found.
ofthe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
are bribed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
political parties and religion in order to propagate their ideology. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
, in fact, act as the puppets to safeguard all the scams and allegations that these institutions commits.
In addition
to this they utilize all possible means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe in deep in that particular political or religious ideologies.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the central ministry of India reveals that majority of the leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
are funded
by either a political party or religion.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
circulate cooked up stories and cause conflict among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, the prime duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
is to give the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
picture of what exactly happened.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, at present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them forget it and run behind profit and pay more attention in pleasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those who provide financial aids to them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they manipulate the real stories with their imagination and thereby create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that the news media nowadays have influenced people’s lives in negative ways. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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