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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependant on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependant on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss and give your own opinion. v. 1
According to the perspective of some people at these days living lonely is a popular lifestyle among the majority of societies and nations. I believe that humanity still needs to socialise with each other, meanwhile a number of group people argue that people are enough ready to live independently. To begin with, some justifiable reasons make modern people to live without taking a helping assistance from other. One of chief among them could be that thanks to globalization and integration all over the world, individuals are capable of socializing more easily no matter who they are actually. To exemplify most of youngs in most parts of the world are making their own decisions, such as getting married or continuing their future careers, not following their parents advices. As a consequence, they feel more mature to be responsible for their decision. Furthermore, as modern communities are based on the foundation of international friendship, they offer different types of available facilities for their members. Therefore, nowadays population don’t have to suffer from dealing with stressful and problematic situations. On the other hand, there are some pivotal priorities on people’s actions in terms of treating with other. Firstly, people are accustomed to live and solve their personal or social issues by communicating with their families, friends and relatives. Therefore, they get access to receive wiser and more desirable advises from those people whenever they want. In addition, everyone is given the rights to take advantages of being serviced by other ones. For instance, a number of professions such as psychologists, doctors, government authorities are required to work together. To conclude, despite the advantages of the way live separately living socially has far more benefits for humanity as a whole.
According to the perspective of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at these days living lonely is a popular lifestyle among the majority of societies and nations. I believe that humanity
still
needs to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, meanwhile a number of group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
justifiable reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without taking a helping assistance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. One of chief among them could be that thanks to globalization and integration all over the world, individuals are capable of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialize' and 'socialise') within a single text.
socializing
more
easily
no matter who they are actually. To exemplify most of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
in most parts of the world are making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions, such as getting married or continuing their future careers, not following their parents advices. As a consequence, they feel more mature to be responsible for their decision.
Furthermore
, as modern communities
are based
on the foundation of international friendship, they offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of available facilities for their members.
Therefore
, nowadays population don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from dealing with stressful and problematic situations.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pivotal priorities on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
actions in terms of treating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are accustomed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and solve their personal or social issues by communicating with their families, friends and relatives.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to receive wiser and more desirable advises from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whenever they want.
In addition
, everyone is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the rights to take advantages of
being serviced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ones.
For instance
, a number of professions such as psychologists, doctors,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities
are required
to work together.

To conclude
, despite the advantages of the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
separately
living
socially
has far more benefits for humanity as a whole.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependant on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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