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The quality of the health care a person receives should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of healthcare for all its citizens. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The quality of the health care a person receives should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of healthcare for all its citizens. v. 1
Quality health care is a basic need for all citizens in a country regardless of their economic or social statuses and the government should take every effort possible to ensure superior health care facilities for all of its citizens. I quite agree with the notion that government is responsible for ensuring high-level health care service of all its citizens, no matter what their economic levels are. First of all, every government has a responsibility to ensure some basic needs of its citizens and health care is one of the most important aspects that a government should take care. Only a corrupted and inefficient government would discriminate among its rich and poor citizens and thus would build a country where the rich will enjoy all the facilities while poor people would be deprived in every step. Second, in this modern era, most of the countries, specifically in democratic countries, have a government selection model where people decide who would rule the country. The participating parties give their agenda and the list of developments they would implement for the progress of the country. In most of the cases high-level health care facility gets special emphasis on their pre-election agenda and if the government fails to ensure this facility, it is kind of a violation of their promise to the whole nation. It is not unlikely that the government cannot offer better healthcare facilities in public hospitals, while the rich people get far better treatments and diagnosis from the private healthcare facilities. This is a scenario which is quite unexpected and should not be the case in an ideal legislative system. All the citizens in a country are equal to the law and the constitution and the facilities they are expected to get from the country has no way to be different. In conclusion, when people need to spend a lot of money to get quality health care service, then we can easily assume that the government has failed to establish a proper healthcare sector for all the people. In the same way, ensuring quality health care facilities to all the citizens of a country is a responsibility no government can deny.
Quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is a basic need for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
regardless of their economic or social statuses and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take every effort possible to ensure superior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facilities for all of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. I quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is responsible for ensuring high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
service of all its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, no matter what their economic levels are.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has a responsibility to ensure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic needs of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
a corrupted and inefficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
would discriminate among its rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and
thus
would build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where the rich will enjoy all the facilities while poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be deprived
in every step.

Second, in this modern era, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
specifically
in democratic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
selection model where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide who would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The participating parties give their agenda and the list of developments they would implement for the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In most of the cases high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facility
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
special emphasis on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-election
agenda and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
fails to ensure this facility, it is
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
violation of their promise to the whole nation.

It is not unlikely that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot offer better healthcare facilities in public hospitals, while the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
far better treatments and diagnosis from the private healthcare facilities. This is a scenario which is quite unexpected and should not be the case in an ideal legislative system. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are equal to the law and the constitution and the facilities they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has no way to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.

In conclusion
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
service, then we can
easily
assume that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has failed to establish a proper healthcare sector for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In the same way
, ensuring quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facilities to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is a responsibility no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can deny.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay The quality of the health care a person receives should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of healthcare for all its citizens. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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