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The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 8
These days, modern people are willing to achieve their goals and purposes in form to succeed in their fields. Although many people tend to think that educational organizations cannot teach the students how to become a successful person, others feel that universities and other academic institutions can give a proper knowledge about the success. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that individuals need soft skills such as communication, collaboration and co-operation in order to accomplish their purposes, and many universities do not provide the students with such kinds of abilities. On the one hand, it is true that the key element of the prosperity is interpersonal skills. In this case, many academic institutions usually do not pay attention on these skills. Furthermore, many people believe that the second essential element of prosperity is critical thinking. Nowadays, due to many ongoing processes such as urbanization and globalization, individuals should be aware of these processes in order to take a right decision. To illustrate, knowing about the weaknesses of products, manufacturers can develop their items. Consequently, they can be a competitive producer in the stock market. On the other hand, it is clear that the citizens should be well-educated in order to accomplish their purposes. In this reason, many people are reckoned to think that if the individuals have more knowledge than their counterparts, they can earn more reputation and money. Accordingly, these people are keen to think that educational organizations can teach the pupils how to succeed. Moreover, they believe that the main factor of prosperity is the collaboration with the people who are already accomplished their goals. In this case, many well-known researchers and scientists are gathered in the academic institutions, and young researchers have the opportunity to learn from their successful teachers. In conclusion, although many people are reckoned to think that the educational institutions can provide the people with the necessary ability, others feel that the real life experience is beneficial for the young and ambitious people. However, Personally, I believe that it depends on the individuals.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to achieve their goals and purposes in form to succeed in their fields. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that educational organizations cannot teach the students how to become a successful person, others feel that universities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
academic institutions can give a proper knowledge about the success. After pondering this phenomenon, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
need soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as communication, collaboration and co-operation in order to accomplish their purposes, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities do not provide the students with such kinds of abilities.

On the one hand, it is true that the key element of the prosperity is interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In this case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic institutions
usually
do not pay attention on these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the second essential element of prosperity is critical thinking. Nowadays, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ongoing processes such as urbanization and globalization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be aware of these processes in order to take a right decision. To illustrate, knowing about the weaknesses of products, manufacturers can develop their items.
Consequently
, they can be a competitive producer in the stock market.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the citizens should be well-educated in order to accomplish their purposes. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reckoned
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have more knowledge than their counterparts, they can earn more reputation and money.
Accordingly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that educational organizations can teach the pupils how to succeed.
Moreover
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the main factor of prosperity is the collaboration with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are already accomplished their goals.
In this case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-known researchers and scientists
are gathered
in the academic institutions, and young researchers have the opportunity to learn from their successful teachers.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reckoned
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the educational institutions can provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the necessary ability, others feel that the real life experience is beneficial for the young and ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
,
Personally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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