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The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 5
Some people believe that traditional form of education will become extinct in the future. And the skills required for success in the modern world cannot be learned at a university or academic institutions. I disagree as there are abilities and life skills which help us excel stem from traditional institutional teaching. Firstly, while academic institutions are a place of learning various knowledge bases from books and teachers, the most important role played, is off learning how to form work ethics, having resources like; after class help when struggling to succeed, striving under pressure and most importantly a network of peers and academia, whom lifelong connections help in landing jobs and increasing future collaborations. Secondly, speaking from experiences which lead to success in today's world of ever changing technology. My education in grades 1-12 was in private schools with people from privileged backgrounds, where I learned a lot of academic knowledge, the skills talked about above were developed in the university. Day one of undergraduate I realized I could not speak the national language that my peers spoke so fluently, because of it local music was alien to my ears, everyday life references imbedded in the local culture did not ring a bell. And most importantly, since almost everyone came from humbler backgrounds, they were naturally resourceful and street smart, everything I was not at that point. Hence a combination of these institutes initially helped in my advertising career and later becoming a successful entrepreneur. To sum up. Institutions teach both academic knowledge, life skill and abilities required for success. Hence, I disagree that universities and academic institution cannot teach us to be successful in today’s world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that traditional form of education will become extinct in the future.

And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
required for success in the modern world cannot
be learned
at a university or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
institutions. I disagree as there are abilities and life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us excel stem from traditional institutional teaching.

Firstly
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
institutions are a place of learning various knowledge bases from books and teachers, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role played, is off learning how to form work ethics, having resources like; after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when struggling to succeed, striving under pressure and most
importantly
a network of peers and academia, whom lifelong connections
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in landing jobs and increasing future collaborations.

Secondly
, speaking from experiences which lead to success in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever changing
technology. My education in grades 1-12 was in private schools with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from privileged backgrounds, where I learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
talked about above
were developed
in the university. Day one of undergraduate I realized I could not speak the national language that my peers spoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fluently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it local music was alien to my ears, everyday life references
Possible spelling mistake found.
imbedded
in the local culture did not ring a bell. And most
importantly
, since almost everyone came from humbler backgrounds, they were
naturally
resourceful and street smart, everything I was not at that point.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
a combination of these institutes
initially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in my advertising career and later becoming a successful entrepreneur.

To sum up. Institutions teach both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge, life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and abilities required for success.
Hence
, I disagree that universities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
cannot teach us to be successful in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 5

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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