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The tendency of human being to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. To what extent do you agree? v.1

The tendency of human being to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. v. 1
These days, modern people are willing to purchase the clothes, items and perfumes which are used by their role models. In this regard, many people are reckoned to think that this tendency is showing the popularity of the fashionable clothes and stylish accessories. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that thanks to this trend, many manufacturers are earning huge revenue. On the one hand, it is true that the consumers are willing to replicate the items of well-known personalities such as actors, sport stars and politicians. Actually, this trend is showing the popularity of the brand, as if the items are made from the cheap materials or do not durable, consumers will not purchase these goods. Furthermore, this tendency is beneficial for the producers, as they can advertise their products though the other people. For example, many beverage companies advertise their drinks though the TV, which is a useful tool for the earning money. On the other hand, some people tend to think that replicating the items is not the sign of the stock, as many individuals are willing to buy these products in order to look like their favourite people. Furthermore, they are keen to think that due to lack of the alternative products, many people are buying these items. To illustrate, monopolies of the big companies are forcing people to buy their products. In this reason, many individuals are keen to think that these trends are not the sign of popularity. In conclusion, although many people believe that the copying things are one of the signs of the vogue of the fashion companies, others feel that individuals are not replicating things because of it. In addition, the monopoly of the fashion companies is forcing the people to purchase their clothes and accessories.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the clothes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and perfumes which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by their role models. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reckoned
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this tendency is showing the popularity of the fashionable clothes and stylish accessories. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that thanks to this trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
manufacturers are earning huge revenue.

On the one hand, it is true that the consumers are willing to replicate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
of well-known personalities such as actors, sport stars and politicians. Actually, this trend is showing the popularity of the brand, as if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
are made
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
materials or do not durable, consumers will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Furthermore
, this tendency is beneficial for the producers, as they can advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
though the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beverage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
advertise their drinks though the TV, which is a useful tool for the earning money.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that replicating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of the stock, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in order to look like their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, they are keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that due to lack of the alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are buying these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
. To illustrate, monopolies of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that these trends are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of popularity.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the copying things are one of the signs of the vogue of the fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, others feel that individuals are not replicating things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition, the monopoly of the fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is forcing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their clothes and accessories.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The tendency of human being to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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