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The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 2
There is opinion that nowadays academic education is not any more necessary for being successful. the skills and qualities require will provide in other ways. I tend to agree with former argument and I will explain why in this essay. To begin with, success doesn’t need academic skills. That is if people want to be successful they could learn such qualities in the field they want be successful just by experiences. A good example of this empirical experiences is I myself haven’t any experiences about constructing building when I went on work I get many skills which I didn’t have in university education days. Furthermore, I think education skills just can help in your field and your experiences will save you in hard moment and if you just be a student in your field then, you probably not become successful till you haven’t work experiences. A further reason is that we are now in an era which the industrial revolution is ended and we are now in an IT era. To put it differently IT revolution needs more skills and quality which does not acquire with university educations. Take skills which has been perennial problem for example; we see many uneducated people in social media that have obtained many success and fame and money just by their experiences and skills about social media and subscribers interest. Therefore, the prosperity doesn’t need academic degree that just require a little work experiences and skills which you acquire just by working. To conclude, I ones again reaffirm my position that I completely agree skills and qualities just acquire by your great endeavor and hard working. Academic education will just help you in some way of your field.
There is opinion that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
necessary for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
require will provide in other ways. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with former argument and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, success doesn’t need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
That is
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
they could learn such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
they
Did you mean "won't be"?
want be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this empirical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
is I myself haven’t any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
about constructing building when I went on work I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which I didn’t have in university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
days.
Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
will save you in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
moment and if you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be a student in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
then, you
probably
not become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
till you haven’t work experiences.

A
further
reason is that we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in an era which the industrial revolution is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ended and
we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in an IT era. To put it
differently
IT revolution needs more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
which does not acquire with university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
. Take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which has been perennial problem
for example
; we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
uneducated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in social media that have obtained
Possible agreement error. The noun success seems to be countable; consider using: "many successes".
many success
and fame and money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
about social media and subscribers interest.
Therefore
, the prosperity doesn’t need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
degree that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
require a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which you acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by working.

To conclude
,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'I'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
I ones
again reaffirm my position that I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
acquire by your great endeavor and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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