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Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is creating environmental problems and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is creating environmental problems and it should be stopped. v. 1
As per the recent media report, since last 5 years there had been 27% increase in the number of factories across the globe. Many people believe that industrialisation can curb the problem of destitution, while others think that it has deteriorating impact on the biosphere. Before giving my opinion, it is imperative to discuss both viewpoints. Industrial advancement offers many job opportunities which contributes in reducing the destitute segment from the society. This is because with the increased factories, the demand for workers also increased, those are required to manage various operations in the organization. As a result, a large number of underprivileged people are able to get skilled jobs without educational background, such as electricians, carpenters and technicians. Hence, these people can earn their livelihood door to growth in factories. Amul brand in India is the best illustration of this situation, when the started their operations in Gujrat during 1999, they recruited approximately 4500 people which were living below poverty line. On the other hand, many believe industries release harmful gases, which has ill impact on the environment. This is to say that factories generally incorporate of huge processing plants, which emit enormous poisonous fumes into air. Additionally, because of increased number of toxic gases in the air ozone layer is depleting which is required to save earth from harmful ultraviolet rays coming from sun. For instance, as per the report by local newspaper, the air quality index (AQI) in the cities situated best to industrial area has reached more than 580 units and that is not suitable for humans. To conclude, although factories release harmful gases in the air, it can be controlled by strict law and regulation. I believe industrialisation can greatly contribute in curbing the serious issue of destitution. Even, I am a owner of a small scale factory, and I have recruited 15 people from backward segment so that they get equal opportunity to earn for their families.
As per the recent media report, since last 5 years there had been 27% increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
across the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
can curb the problem of destitution, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has deteriorating impact on the biosphere.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
giving my opinion, it is imperative to discuss both viewpoints.

Industrial advancement offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities which contributes in reducing the destitute segment from the society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
, the demand for workers
also
increased, those
are required
to manage various operations in the organization.
As a result
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
skilled jobs without educational background, such as electricians, carpenters and technicians.
Hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn their livelihood door to growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amul
brand in India is the best illustration of this situation, when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their operations in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gujrat
during 1999, they recruited approximately 4500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which were living below poverty line.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe industries release harmful gases, which has ill impact on the environment. This is to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
generally
incorporate of huge processing plants, which emit enormous poisonous fumes into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increased number of toxic gases in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
ozone layer is depleting which
is required
to save earth from harmful ultraviolet rays coming from sun.
For instance
, as per the report by local newspaper, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
quality index (AQI) in the cities situated best to industrial area has reached more than 580 units and
that is
not suitable for humans.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
release harmful gases in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
, it can
be controlled
by strict law and regulation. I believe
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
can
greatly
contribute in curbing the serious issue of destitution. Even, I am
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
owner of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
, and I have recruited 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from backward segment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal opportunity to earn for their families.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is creating environmental problems and it should be stopped. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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