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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 5
Advertisements are too common nowadays that it has become a part of everyone's life. Some people get too excited when they get to know about new products or new electronic devices through advertisements while some people get irritated when they spend money on unnecessary products due to the advertisements. As we all know that every entity has its cons and pros, Advertisements are no different. However, as per my point of view, Advertisements help us to get information about new products that can improve our lives. There are many examples which I have experienced personally which have provided benefits for me. One of them is the "Kerastase Elixir Ultime" All in One hair product which was completely unknown to me until I saw the advertisement for this which does wonders for the hair. I was looking for a good hair product for a long time, which should provide multi-benefits like nourishment, shine, moisture, heat protection altogether. Then, one day I saw this ad on Instagram and from that moment I started searching for this and finally found one in my nearby YLG Salon. Another example is the "V-Wash" product which is good for females. After seeing the ad for this, It encouraged me to give it a try. I am thankful that I found this which maintains hormonal balance and feminine hygiene all together and I was totally surprised when I saw the Doctors recommending the same for females. In Conclusion, Advertisements help us to find the best product for ourselves and spreads awareness to people. Hence, I strongly support the idea of advertisements for a better lifestyle and healthy practices.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
are too common nowadays that it has become a part of everyone's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too excited when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or new electronic devices through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
irritated when they spend money on unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. As we all know that every entity has its cons and pros,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
are no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
However
, as per my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples which I have experienced
personally
which have provided benefits for me. One of them is the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kerastase
Elixir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ultime
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
All in One hair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which was completely unknown to me until I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
for this which does wonders for the hair. I was looking for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
for a long time, which should provide multi-benefits like nourishment, shine, moisture, heat protection altogether. Then, one day I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
this ad on Instagram and from that moment I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
searching for this and
finally
found one in my nearby
Possible spelling mistake found.
YLG
Salon.

Another example is the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
V-Wash
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for females. After seeing the ad for this, It encouraged me to give it a try. I am thankful that I found this which maintains hormonal balance and feminine hygiene all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
together and
I was
totally
surprised when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the Doctors recommending the same for females.

In Conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help us find"?
help us to find
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
for ourselves and spreads awareness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Hence
, I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for a better lifestyle and healthy practices.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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