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A growing number of people feel that people should not exploit animals and that they should have rights as a human while argue that human must employ animals to satisfy their various needs. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

A growing number of people feel that people should not exploit animals and that they should have rights as a human while argue that human must employ animals to satisfy their various needs. v. 1
Some would argue that overexploitation of animals is increasing day by day, while some say that it's inhuman to consume them. This essay believes that animal utilization for food and clothing of human beings should not consider as exploitation because animal meat has a nutritious value which deemed necessary for human health. On the one hand, animals are innocents and can not say their wish like a human. Therefore people have to consider and treat them accordingly. The Government has to put hefty fines and penalties for those who hunt them for their businesses. a good illustration of this is, a recent survey was published in National Geographic magazine that the horns of Rhinos are high selling commodities because it used to make a specific powder, which helps in enhancing human life expectancy. However, I believe that God has created animals to help humanity for their survival; therefore, taken particular nutrients in their meat and milk-like cow and chicken. On the other hand, I believe animals are a potent source of protein and Carbohydrates, which is necessary for human growth. When children do not get these, they will be having specific protein deficiency and not able to gain target weight, which will eventually halt their normal growth process. For instance, recent research revealed by the British Medical Association that over 60% of children in some parts of Africa are suffering from malnutrition because they are not getting enough cow's milk and meat after birth. Therefore I believe animal consumption should not be considered as exploitation. In conclusion, although people are hunting the animal for the growth of their business, we must realize, animal products like milk and cheese are good for human health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that overexploitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is increasing day by day, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that it's inhuman to consume them. This essay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
utilization for food and clothing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings should not consider as exploitation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
meat has a nutritious value which deemed necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are innocents and can not say their wish like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider and treat them
accordingly
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
put hefty fines and penalties for those who hunt them for their businesses.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is, a recent survey
was published
in National Geographic magazine that the horns of Rhinos are high selling commodities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a specific powder, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life expectancy.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that God has created
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
humanity for their survival;
therefore
, taken particular nutrients in their meat and milk-like cow and chicken.

On the other hand
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are a potent source of protein and Carbohydrates, which is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
growth. When children do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these, they will be having specific protein deficiency and not able to gain target weight, which will
eventually
halt their normal growth process.
For instance
, recent research revealed by the British Medical Association that over 60% of children in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of Africa are suffering from malnutrition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "cows"?
cow's
milk and meat after birth.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
consumption should not
be considered
as exploitation.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are hunting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
for the growth of their business, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products like milk and cheese are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay A growing number of people feel that people should not exploit animals and that they should have rights as a human while argue that human must employ animals to satisfy their various needs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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