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The diagram below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for change to the school site in 2024. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant v.1

The diagram below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for change to the school site in 2024.
It has been observed that recently many people opt to start their own business instead offering their services to a company. One possible reason for this could be the convenience it brings to the person. In my opinion, the main drawback of this trend is the risk of not having a fixed income. This essay will look into these matters in detail. One possible reason for being independent and running an own firm is the freedom it gives in terms of possibilities. For example, most young entrepreneurs are now tempting to start online marketplaces such as clothing stores, electronic shops or even souvenir shops. The main benefit of such kind of shops is that the flexibility of providing their goods or services to a wide array of customers online which would not be possible to do if they work for a company. The result of taking the risk of being self-employed is generating more income than their employed counterparts. Despite these advantages, becoming an independent entrepreneur has its own demerits. For instance, people who are involved in business generally do not receive a fixed monthly income in terms of salary or wages. Since they are not paid monthly, a self-employed person might struggle in real life where he should reserve money for mandatory payments such as bills, loans and groceries. Thus, the risk involved in nor being employed is the possibility of facing financial crisis. In summary, although being their own boss has financial freedom in working and earn a lot of money, possible monetary difficulties could be resulted if the business faces a crisis.
It has
been observed
that recently
many
people
opt to
start
their
own
business
instead
offering their services to a
company
. One
possible
reason for this could be the convenience it brings to the person. In my opinion, the main drawback of this trend is the
risk
of not having a
fixed
income. This essay will look into these matters in detail.

One
possible
reason for being independent and running an
own
firm is the freedom it gives in terms of possibilities.
For example
, most young entrepreneurs are
now
tempting to
start
online marketplaces such as clothing stores, electronic shops or even souvenir shops. The main benefit of such kind of shops is that the flexibility of providing their
goods
or services to a wide array of customers online which would not be
possible
to do if they work for a
company
. The result of taking the
risk
of being self-employed is generating more income than their employed counterparts.

Despite these advantages, becoming an independent entrepreneur has its
own
demerits.
For instance
,
people
who
are involved
in business
generally
do not receive a
fixed
monthly income in terms of salary or wages. Since they are not paid monthly, a self-employed person might struggle in real life where he should reserve money for mandatory payments such as bills, loans and groceries.
Thus
, the
risk
involved in nor
being employed
is the possibility of facing financial crisis.

In summary, although being their
own
boss has financial freedom in working and earn
a lot of
money,
possible
monetary difficulties could
be resulted
if the business faces a crisis.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for change to the school site in 2024.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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