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Some people think that being able to communicate online is breaking geographical barriers and enabling people, who would never have the chance to meet, communicate online. What are the advantages of international communications? Are there any disadvantages too? v.1

Some people think that being able to communicate online is breaking geographical barriers and enabling people, who would never have the chance to meet, communicate online. What are the advantages of international communications? Are there any disadvantages too? v. 1
In this era of internet and technology, some people believe that strangers interacting online is removing international barriers by creating social networks beyond borders. These communications does enable people to share their experiences with foreigners but could also lead them away from their loved ones. To begin with the positives, a crucial advantage of having web communities is the sharing of knowledge. People from various fields like doctors, engineers and architects can collaborate their learnings and help each other to tackle situations constructively. For example, with high-speed internet, nowadays doctors are assisting emergencies remotely, saving hundreds of lives. Another vital outcome of this advancement is raising awareness among people. In the absence of this worldwide communication, new inventions were only accessible to the local neighbourhood and not the world, and now with the help of social network platforms, talents get recognized worldwide. Nevertheless, international communication does impose the problem of disconnection from the real world. To illustrate, millennials are spending more time staring at their phone screen, and chatting online than to talk with people beside them. This is resulting in weak real-life social bonds and friendships. In addition to the disadvantage of living in the virtual world, internet communities can also spread fake news which can harm peoples lives. To illustrate this point, some people deliberately post incorrect information on popular social websites about celebrities to arouse hatred among their fans. These kind of false allegations could ruin someones carrier and pride and put them in mental stress. In conclusion, although people are gaining more insights about topics and getting recognized worldwide through international collaboration, it is important to consider that it can harm family and friends interactions and can aid unethical procedures to demolish someones hard work.
In this era of internet and technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that strangers interacting online is removing international barriers by creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks beyond borders. These communications
You should probably use "do".
does
enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to share their experiences with foreigners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
also
lead them away from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the positives, a crucial advantage of having web communities is the sharing of knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from various fields like doctors, engineers and architects can collaborate their learnings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other to tackle situations
constructively
.
For example
, with high-speed internet, nowadays doctors are assisting emergencies
remotely
, saving hundreds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Another vital outcome of this advancement is raising awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the absence of this worldwide communication, new inventions were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accessible to the local
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
and not the world, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network platforms, talents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recognized worldwide.

Nevertheless
, international communication does impose the problem of disconnection from the real world. To illustrate, millennials are spending more time staring at their phone screen, and chatting online than to talk with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
beside them. This is resulting in weak real-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonds and friendships.
In addition
to the disadvantage of living in the virtual world, internet communities can
also
spread fake news which can harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To illustrate this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deliberately
post incorrect information on popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites about celebrities to arouse hatred among their fans.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of false allegations could ruin someones carrier and pride and put them in mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are gaining more insights about topics and getting recognized worldwide through international collaboration, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that it can harm family and friends interactions and can aid unethical procedures to demolish someones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that being able to communicate online is breaking geographical barriers and enabling people, who would never have the chance to meet, communicate online. What are the advantages of international communications? Are there any disadvantages too? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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