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The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. v. 3
Some argue that instead of paying for treatment of ill people, the government should try to stop these ailments from occurring on the first place. I disagree with such claims because redirecting fund away from medical care and ill patients can present high risk for the society in short term. To begin with, there is no doubt that preventive measures in public health include such important steps as vaccination and promotion of healthy lifestyle. Both can help all community members to stay healthy for longer, and therefore could reduce pressure on the hospitals. These measures demand for significant financing from the government budget. However, the benefits of preventive measures are only seen in the long term perspective and do not eliminate the illnesses of people who already require medical care today. On the other hand, high quality medical care available for all population is one of the most important factors in increasing life expectancy in the country. Many people in present time are already ill and require immediate treatments. If the government lowers its funding for medical care, the hospitals will be plunged in chaos while doctors will struggle to treat people who require urgent help. In such situation, untreated illnesses can lead to deaths, which is unacceptable. Hence, the government must make sure it provides necessary medical treatments to people in need. In conclusion, I recognize the significance of preventing illnesses as a long term policy of a state. However, it is dangerous to promote it at an expense of existing funding dedicated to treating already existing conditions. If done incorrectly, the measure can lead to serious consequences, including death of hospital patients. All things considered, I disagree that such redistribution policy should be implemented.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
instead
of paying for treatment of ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
these ailments from occurring on the
first
place. I disagree with such claims
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
redirecting fund away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and ill patients can present high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for the society in short term.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no doubt that preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
in public health include such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
steps as vaccination and promotion of healthy lifestyle. Both can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
all community members to stay healthy for longer, and
therefore
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pressure on the hospitals. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
demand for significant financing from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget.
However
, the benefits of preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the long term perspective and do not eliminate the illnesses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who already require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

On the other hand
, high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
available for all population is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in increasing life expectancy in the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in present time are already ill and require immediate treatments. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
lowers its funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, the hospitals will
be plunged
in chaos while doctors will struggle to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who require urgent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. In such situation, untreated illnesses can lead to deaths, which is unacceptable.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure it provides necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatments to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need.

In conclusion
, I recognize the significance of preventing illnesses as a long term policy of a state.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to promote it at an expense of existing funding dedicated to treating already existing conditions. If done
incorrectly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
can lead to serious consequences, including death of hospital patients. All things considered, I disagree that such redistribution policy should
be implemented
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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