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The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine Government funding should reflect this To what extent do you agree v.1

The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine Government funding should reflect this 1
Museums and historical places have always played a crucial role in understanding/def the culture and the traditions of a region. These places are predominantly visited by foreigners as compared to the locals. This essay examines the reason behind fewer local visitors and suggests strategies to increase the number of locals in these places. The crux of this matter is the different levels of interest in tourists and the locals. For a tourist, the aim of visiting a new place is to learn and understand the culture and the history of the place. Visiting museums and historical places are the best way to do so. On the contrary, the locals have already lived in the area for most of their lives, and have either learned about the culture at school or by personal experiences. However, tourists are on holiday and have already set-aside money to visit these places while locals already know much about the culture and history, and they have other preferences to spend the money. Therefore, due to the less local interest in learning the culture and history, these historical places and museums see fewer local visitors as compared to foreigners. The number of local visitors can be increased by implementing different strategies. Firstly, the perception towards museums and historical sites can be altered by organizing different events. For example, to raise the awareness, multi-cultural, traditional festivals, and galas can be organized for adults and children. Moreover, ticket prices can be reduced or different kinds of offers can be introduced on ticket prices. In conclusion, although the numbers of local visitors have reduced as compared to foreign tourists, these numbers can be increased by raising awareness in locals for visiting museums and historical places. Therefore, different strategies can be used such as organizing different traditional festivals and galas. In addition to it ticket fairs can be reduced to raise the local's interest in visiting these places.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
have always played a crucial role in understanding/def the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and the traditions of a region. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
predominantly
visited by foreigners as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. This essay examines the reason behind fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and suggests strategies to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
in these places.

The crux of this matter is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
levels of interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. For a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
, the aim of visiting a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is to learn and understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and the history of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. Visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are the best way to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the area for most of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and have either learned about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
at school or by personal experiences.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are on holiday and have already set-aside money to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
already know much about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history, and they have other preferences to spend the money.
Therefore
, due to the less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
interest in learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
as compared to foreigners.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
can
be increased
by implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
strategies.
Firstly
, the perception towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
sites can
be altered
by organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
, to raise the awareness, multi-cultural, traditional festivals, and galas can
be organized
for adults and children.
Moreover
, ticket prices can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of offers can
be introduced
on ticket prices.

In conclusion
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as compared to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
can
be increased
by raising awareness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
for visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
strategies can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
such as organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
traditional festivals and galas.
In addition
to it ticket fairs can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to raise the local's interest in visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine Government funding should reflect this 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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