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The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree. v.1

The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 1
Some people believe that treatment is more important than the prevention. However, in my opinion, I think prevention is better than cure and government should allocate funds accordingly. In this essay, I will propose possible illustrations for the same. To begin with, government should provide an appropriate budget to have cleanliness. It is a know for a fact that untidy or unsanitary places are the cause health issues and diseases often originate from such places. For example, people living in slum often possess various kinds of medical conditions. Due to lack of infrastructure and manpower authorities are unable to maintain the hygienic conditions for the citizens. Secondly, government should invest in research. It will help to counter serious and newborn diseases which will prevent health problems and also, as treatment of patients is very costly and sometimes they cost a fortune even in government hospitals. For example, in corona pandemic, many countries failed miserably due to lack of research in medical area and the treatment was unmanageable. Studies in the medical field will definitely boost the country's economy. To conclude, it is necessary to prevent illness, so, government should focus on the sanitary conditions and medical research. further, it will act as security shield against diseases and it will be a lot easier to overcome diseases as there would less number of patients. So, I strongly agree that prevention is better than treatment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the prevention.
However
, in my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
prevention is better than cure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate funds
accordingly
. In this essay, I will propose possible illustrations for the same.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide an appropriate budget to have cleanliness. It is a know for a fact that untidy or unsanitary places are the cause health issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
originate from such places.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in slum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
possess various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
conditions. Due to lack of infrastructure and manpower authorities are unable to maintain the hygienic conditions for the citizens.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest in research. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to counter serious and newborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health problems and
also
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of patients is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they cost a fortune even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
hospitals.
For example
, in corona pandemic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries failed
miserably
due to lack of research in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
area and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
was unmanageable. Studies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
field will definitely boost the country's economy.

To conclude
, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on the sanitary conditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
research.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
further
, it will act as security shield against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and it will be a lot easier to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
as there would less number of patients.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that prevention is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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