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The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree. v.2

The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 2
It is an undeniable fact that the prevention of diseases is better than curing the same. A school of thought believes that the government should be funding to take precautionary measures. In my opinion, I strongly agree that there should be an appropriate funding to prevent health issues and illness in people. To begin with, government should provide an appropriate budget to have cleanliness. It is a know for a fact that untidy or unsanitary places are the cause health issues and diseases often originate from such places. For example, a research conducted by the World Health Organization demonstrated that 90% of the illness in a society is caused by the unhealthy environment. As a result of unhealthiness the public living in that area gets infected ad this will be spreading rapidly across the nation, which puts a pressure on the government. Secondly, government should invest in research. It will help to counter serious and newborn diseases which will prevent health problems and also, as treatment of patients is very costly and sometimes they cost a fortune even in government hospitals. For example, in corona pandemic, many countries failed miserably due to lack of research in medical area and the treatment was unmanageable. Moreover, Studies in the medical field will definitely boost the country's economy. To conclude, it is necessary to prevent illness, so, government should focus on the sanitary conditions and medical research. further, it will act as security shield against diseases and it will be a lot easier to overcome diseases as there would less number of patients. So, I strongly agree that prevention is better than treatment.
It is an undeniable fact that the prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is better than curing the same. A school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believes that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be funding to take precautionary measures. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there should be an appropriate funding to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and illness in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide an appropriate budget to have cleanliness. It is a know for a fact that untidy or unsanitary places are the cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
originate from such places.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
conducted by the World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization demonstrated that 90% of the illness in a society
is caused
by the unhealthy environment.
As a result
of unhealthiness the public living in that area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
infected ad this will be spreading
rapidly
across the nation, which puts a pressure on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to counter serious and newborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems and
also
, as treatment of patients is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they cost a fortune even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
hospitals.
For example
, in corona pandemic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries failed
miserably
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
in medical area and the treatment was unmanageable.
Moreover
, Studies in the medical field will definitely boost the country's economy.

To conclude
, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on the sanitary conditions and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
further
, it will act as security shield against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and it will be a lot easier to overcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
as there would less number of patients.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that prevention is better than treatment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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