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The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree? v.2

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 2
As a popular saying "Precaution is better than cure". Although some people believe that government should use their funds for taking precautions rather than spending on medication and treatment. In my view, taking the right prevention measure can solve most of the health illness. To begin with, there are various diseases that are caused by lack of cleanliness. It is important to maintain a high level of cleanliness in the country. With garbage spread across and bad sewage water, it becomes a breeding place for mosquitos which causes one of the most detrimental disease name malaria. Such kind of diseases can spread widely across individuals in a short span of time, which can be very detrimental to health and can also result in death of a person. In addition, in the recent times there are various countries that have been working towards cleanliness campaigns. However, the government can create awareness and hygienic standards of living it will improve the health conditions. To illustrate, in my country the government has launched a "cleanliness campaign" where it is creating awareness among the people on the importance of keeping the nation learn. Funds should be used on conducing health seminars, which would educe the individuals. To conclude, even though the government should spend some portion of its funds on the treatment and medication. However, it is vital to ensure that the public funds are being utilised to improve the hygiene levels and create awareness among citizens in order to prevent various diseases.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a popular saying
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Precaution is better than cure
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their funds for taking precautions
rather
than spending on medication and treatment. In my view, taking the right prevention measure can solve most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
illness.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that
are caused
by lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleanliness
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleanliness
in the country. With garbage spread across and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sewage water, it becomes a breeding place for
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "mosquitoes", the plural form of the noun 'mosquito'?
mosquitos
which causes one of the most detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
name malaria. Such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can spread
widely
across individuals in a short span of time, which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and can
also
result in death of a person.
In addition
, in the recent times there are various countries that have been working towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cleanliness
campaigns.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can create awareness and hygienic standards of living it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions. To illustrate, in my country the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has launched a
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
cleanliness campaign
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
where it is creating awareness among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the importance of keeping the nation learn. Funds should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on conducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
seminars, which would educe the individuals.

To conclude
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
portion of its funds on the treatment and medication.
However
, it is vital to ensure that the public funds are being
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the hygiene levels and create awareness among citizens in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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