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Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v.1

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v. 1
Many try to have success at work and want to spend time with their loved ones. The main problem this cause is exhausting and most viable solution of this problem is public awareness warning people about the dangers of working too hard. The principal problem associated with trying to spend time with your loved ones and be a success in your career is people tend to get exhausted. This exhaustion occurs when people both mentally and physically tired to such an extent that they no longer continue. The result of this is often physical and mental health problems, which in turn can cause the breakdown of a family or poor performance at work. For example, a recent government survey found that 323 CEO’s felt they do not spend enough quality time with their children because they often felt too tired when they returned home. To tackle this problem government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate people about dangers of working too hard. Many people are afraid to ask their boss for work off due to stigma surrounding people who work less than the normal working hours and many people do not disclose this problem in front of their family. This public awareness campaign could shed some light on this difficult situation and allow people to be more open and honest about it. For example, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in 23 decreases in people calling in sick to work because of mental fatigue. In conclusion, striking balance between work and family is a major issue that can result in people working themselves so hard that they can’t perform either role, however it can be addressed through educating people about the dangers.
Many
try to have success at
work
and want to spend time with their
loved
ones. The main
problem
this cause is exhausting and most viable solution of this
problem
is public awareness warning
people
about the
dangers
of
working
too
hard
.

The principal
problem
associated with trying to spend time with your
loved
ones and be a success in your career is
people
tend to
get
exhausted. This exhaustion occurs when
people
both mentally and
physically
tired to such an extent that they no longer continue. The result of this is
often
physical and mental health
problems
, which in turn can cause the breakdown of a family or poor performance at
work
.
For example
, a recent
government
survey found that 323 CEO’s felt they do not spend
enough
quality time with their children
because
they
often
felt too tired when they returned home.

To tackle this
problem
government
should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate
people
about
dangers
of
working
too
hard
.
Many
people
are afraid to ask their boss for
work
off due to stigma surrounding
people
who
work
less than the normal
working
hours and
many
people
do not disclose this
problem
in front of their family. This public awareness campaign could shed
some
light on this difficult situation and
allow
people
to be more open and honest about it.
For example
, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in 23 decreases in
people
calling in sick to
work
because
of mental fatigue.

In conclusion
, striking balance between
work
and family is a major issue that can result in
people
working
themselves
so
hard
that they can’t perform either role,
however
it can
be addressed
through educating
people
about the
dangers
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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