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Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v.1

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v. 1
Many try to have success at work and want to spend time with their loved ones. The main problem this cause is exhausting and most viable solution of this problem is public awareness warning people about the dangers of working too hard. The principal problem associated with trying to spend time with your loved ones and be a success in your career is people tend to get exhausted. This exhaustion occurs when people both mentally and physically tired to such an extent that they no longer continue. The result of this is often physical and mental health problems, which in turn can cause the breakdown of a family or poor performance at work. For example, a recent government survey found that 323 CEO’s felt they do not spend enough quality time with their children because they often felt too tired when they returned home. To tackle this problem government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate people about dangers of working too hard. Many people are afraid to ask their boss for work off due to stigma surrounding people who work less than the normal working hours and many people do not disclose this problem in front of their family. This public awareness campaign could shed some light on this difficult situation and allow people to be more open and honest about it. For example, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in 23 decreases in people calling in sick to work because of mental fatigue. In conclusion, striking balance between work and family is a major issue that can result in people working themselves so hard that they can’t perform either role, however it can be addressed through educating people about the dangers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
try to have success at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and want to spend time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
this cause is exhausting and most viable solution of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is public awareness warning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

The principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with trying to spend time with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and be a success in your career is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exhausted. This exhaustion occurs when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both mentally and
physically
tired to such an extent that they no longer continue. The result of this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
physical and mental health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, which in turn can cause the breakdown of a family or poor performance at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, a recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
survey found that 323 CEO’s felt they do not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
quality time with their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
felt too tired when they returned home.

To tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid to ask their boss for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
off due to stigma surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
less than the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not disclose this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in front of their family. This public awareness campaign could shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this difficult situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more open and honest about it.
For example
, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in 23 decreases in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
calling in sick to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mental fatigue.

In conclusion
, striking balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and family is a major issue that can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
that they can’t perform either role,
however
it can
be addressed
through educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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