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The preventing and reducing global environmental damage lies with politicians, as there are very little the individuals can do about this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The preventing and reducing global environmental damage lies with politicians, as there are very little the individuals can do about this problem. v. 2
Today, global warming is a main concern for governments and people around the world. As a challenge, politicians lead this issue and try constantly to fight against activities or situations that could put in danger the environment, as well as the people who believes that it is important to find ways to prevent the damage of ecosystems in nature. Nevertheless, it is important that all actors in the society, including politicians, environmentalists and citizens of the world, get together to build new proposals and create awareness about the importance of preventing or reduce environmental catastrophe. In my opinion, all actions that we can take today will be the tomorrows pillars. As we know, some countries include actions in their local politics to save the environment and mitigate the damages, because they are committed to international organizations who work for the nature conservancy. For example, Colombia is part of the Climate Change Convention of United Nations since 1980, and every Colombian politician has had the responsibility to implement actions against climate deterioration. However, others like United States decided to decline this politics because some politicians did not believe that climate change is real, and they think that reduce environmental damage is not a state priority. Hence, situations like changes in seasons, heavy rains in different places of the world or hurricanes are consequences of environmental harm and is the government's responsibility to prevent, reduce and mitigate threats. Although and not less important, what really matters are the actions that individuals -environmentalists or not- could do. For instance, a research from McGill University concluded that a group of people in Toronto reduce by a 67% the impact of plastics in the environment, by only recovering plastic bottles and glasses from the woods. This may seem like a small action, but if all individuals could implement one action at day, the results should be enormous. In conclusion, I believe that prevent or reduce the environmental damage is a responsibility of politicians as well as individuals, at the end, conserve the nature and make it sustainable, could save our family's future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, global warming is a main concern for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world. As a challenge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
lead this issue and try
constantly
to fight against activities or situations that could put in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
the environment,
as well
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "believe"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
believes
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
ecosystems in nature.
Nevertheless
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that all actors in the society, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
, environmentalists and citizens of the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together to build new proposals and create awareness about the importance of preventing or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
catastrophe. In my opinion, all actions that we can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
will be the tomorrows pillars.

As we know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries include actions in their local politics to save the environment and mitigate the damages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are committed
to international organizations who work for the nature conservancy.
For example
, Colombia is part of the Climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
Convention of United Nations since 1980, and every Colombian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politician
has had the responsibility to implement actions against climate deterioration.
However
, others
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the United States".
like United States
decided to decline this politics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
did not believe that climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is real, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
is not a state priority.
Hence
, situations like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in seasons, heavy rains in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places of the world or hurricanes are consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
harm and is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
and mitigate threats.

Although and not less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, what
really
matters are the actions that individuals -environmentalists or not- could do.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
from McGill University concluded that a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Toronto
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
by a 67% the impact of plastics in the environment, by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recovering plastic bottles and glasses from the woods. This may seem like a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if all individuals could implement one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
at day, the results should be enormous.

In conclusion
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
is a responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
as well
as individuals, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, conserve the nature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it sustainable, could save our family's future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The preventing and reducing global environmental damage lies with politicians, as there are very little the individuals can do about this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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