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In some countries, university students live at home with their families while they study in the same city, whereas, in other countries they live away from home while they study. Do the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In some countries, university students live at home with their families while they study in the same city, whereas, in other countries they live away from home while they study. Do the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Currently, with mounting competition in education some university undergraduates live away from home during their study. It is agreed that the advantage of this outweighs the disadvantage. This essay provides some considerable empirical evidences to support the statement. To begin with, it is noted that living away from the family during higher studies provides numerous benefits. To commence with one of the most paramount advantages, is the independence they enjoy while parents are away, which also teach them valuable things in its own interesting way. To enumerate, the students learn basic life skills such as time management and management of finances, which are the major abilities needed by a person. For example, in a recent survey conducted by the UK government, most of the respondents have favourable responses because being independent leads to a successful life. If the students are not given the opportunity to live away from their family, then their dependence on their parents may hamper their success in life. It is clear that being alone and away from family will be beneficial in later adult life. However, the major disadvantage of studying away from home is a lack of family support. In other words, most of such students often complain about their sufferings regarding emotional attachments with family and unfulfilled psychological needs. Even the presence of advanced technology platforms such as the social websites and video calling applications are not enough to fill their sense of belonging. Students at a young age are vulnerable to such emotional feeling of homesickness and loneliness. For instance, most of students blame this factor as culprits behind their low or failing grades in college. In conclusion, although there are disadvantages such as homesickness, but learning is a part of life and how to survive alone is a part of learning, thus the advantages of such independence are more significant.
Currently
, with mounting competition in education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
university undergraduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home during their study. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that the advantage of this outweighs the disadvantage. This essay provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerable empirical evidences to support the statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is noted
that living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
during higher studies provides numerous benefits. To commence with one of the most paramount advantages, is the independence they enjoy while parents are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
, which
also
teach them valuable things in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interesting way.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
enumerate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as time management and management of finances, which are the major abilities needed by a person.
For example
, in a recent survey conducted by the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, most of the respondents have
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
responses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being independent leads to a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, then their dependence on their parents may hamper their success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that being alone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will be beneficial in later adult life.

However
, the major disadvantage of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home is a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support.
In other words
, most of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
complain about their sufferings regarding emotional attachments with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and unfulfilled psychological needs. Even the presence of advanced technology platforms such as the social websites and video calling applications are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to fill their sense of belonging.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
at a young age are vulnerable to such emotional feeling of homesickness and loneliness.
For instance
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
blame this factor as culprits behind their low or failing grades in college.

In conclusion
, although there are disadvantages such as homesickness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
learning is a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and how to survive alone is a part of learning,
thus
the advantages of such independence are more significant.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, university students live at home with their families while they study in the same city, whereas, in other countries they live away from home while they study. Do the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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