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The present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

The present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In many nations around the world, young people represent a large proportion of the people relative to elderly people. This essay will argue the merits and demerits of having a greater proportion of young adults followed by the conclusion deciding whether it is advantageous for nations or not? One commonly cited drawback of young community is that it places a greater strain on public service. This is because large numbers of young people require more facilities to be built to accommodate them. For example, the government may need to invest more in the school system, which requires additional public spending. As a result, excessive burden will be on authorities of a country. Despite this, there are a number of significant advantages to having a youthful public. First of all, having more young people creates a bigger market for good and services. This helps to boost the homey's economy because, as young people get older, they purchase essential items such as houses, furniture, and electrical items. For instance, my country India, which has the highest number of individuals in the age bracket of 20-40 years. This will lead to burgeoning in demand of necessary facilities for living standard. Furthermore, a large youthful demographic also has social benefits. Since, this young people are able to provide care and support to their elderly parent and grandparent. Countries such as Japan has more youngsters to looking after their ageing culture. Thus, they are having a stronger bonding between both the ages. In conclusion, although there are some disadvantages to having a youthful population. It is clear that young people can make a significant contribution to their rustic by developing the economy and providing support to older generation. On balance, having a large number of young people is beneficial to any country.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
represent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relative to elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will argue the merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a greater proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults followed by the conclusion deciding whether it is advantageous for nations or not?

One
commonly
cited drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
community is that it places a greater strain on public service. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require more facilities to
be built
to accommodate them.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may need to invest more in the school system, which requires additional public spending.
As a result
, excessive burden will be on authorities of a country.

Despite this, there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of significant advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a youthful public.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
creates
a bigger market for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and services. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to boost the homey's economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
essential items such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, furniture, and electrical items.
For instance
, my country India, which has the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of individuals in the age bracket of 20-40 years. This will lead to burgeoning in demand of necessary facilities for living standard.

Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
youthful demographic
also
has social benefits. Since, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to provide care and support to their elderly parent and grandparent. Countries such as Japan has more youngsters to looking after their
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
culture.
Thus
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a stronger bonding between both the ages.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a youthful population. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to their rustic by developing the economy and providing support to older generation. On balance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is beneficial to any country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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