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The position of women in society has changed markley in the last 20 years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as Juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and not at home I took care for their children v.2

The position of women in society has changed markley in the last 20 years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as Juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and not at home I took care for their children v. 2
In the modern world women place in society has changed significantly with women becoming more independent, and tend to work out doors more often. It is argued by some that because of this modified role of women arises many problems such as Juvenile delinquency. In my opinion, it is not the only factor, and many problems are because of factors outside home. To begin with, those who support the idea proposes several reasons for this. First, and foremost is that mother is the main source of learning for a child as he spends much of his time at home, where mother can educate him manners, and other attributes necessary for his progression into a sound adult. When mother is working in an office, so she will not be able to look after her children, and specially teenagers who will exploit their freedom and may end up going on a wrong path. For instance, those mothers who do not pay attention to their offspring, so they will end up becoming criminals. Having said this, there are factors outside home such as peers, internet and television which are major contributors in juvenile delinquency. Children spend majority of their time watching television or surfing internet learning about life, and in the process they learn inappropriate things. Also, friends if bad possess negative effects on child development. For example, many youngsters living in a bad neighborhood eventually become outlaws. Apart from this there are tons of examples of obedient and successful youngsters whose mothers were working women is a compelling evidence in itself. To conclude, although mothers play a huge role in child development, but it is unfair to put blame of Juvenile delinquency on working mothers, as they are clearly other factors responsible for it.
In the modern world
women
place in society has
changed
significantly
with
women
becoming more independent, and tend to work out doors more
often
. It
is argued
by
some
that
because of this
modified role of
women
arises
many
problems such as Juvenile delinquency. In my opinion, it is not the
only
factor
, and
many
problems are
because
of
factors
outside home.

To
begin
with, those who support the
idea
proposes several reasons for this.
First
, and foremost is that
mother
is the main source of learning for a child as he spends much of his time at home, where
mother
can educate him manners, and other attributes necessary for his progression into a sound adult. When
mother
is working in an office,
so
she will not be able to look after her children, and
specially
teenagers
who will exploit their freedom and may
end
up going on a
wrong
path.
For instance
, those mothers who do not pay attention to their offspring,
so
they will
end
up becoming criminals.

Having said this, there are
factors
outside home such as peers, internet and television which are major contributors in juvenile delinquency. Children spend
majority of
their time watching television or surfing internet learning about life, and in the process they learn inappropriate things.
Also
, friends if
bad
possess
negative
effects on child development.
For example
,
many
youngsters living in a
bad
neighborhood
eventually
become outlaws. Apart from this there are tons of examples of obedient and successful youngsters whose mothers were working
women
is a compelling evidence in itself.

To conclude
, although mothers play a huge role in child development,
but
it is unfair to put blame of Juvenile delinquency on working mothers, as they are
clearly
other
factors
responsible for it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markley in the last 20 years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as Juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and not at home I took care for their children v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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