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Some people believe famous people s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems Others think celebrities make the problem less important Disscuss both view and give your opinion v.2

Some people believe famous people s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems Others think celebrities make the problem less important Disscuss both view and give your opinion v. 2
Many people believe that global aid organization often borrow celebrities’ power to raise public awareness of social issues such as poverty reduction or helping orphanages. While others suppose that this activity of famous people might downplay the significant of problems, I would argue that this trend will bring more positive changes to society. On one hand, associations repose trust in celebrities to attract community due to their far – reaching influence. Firstly, famous people are paid attention not only by international fandom but also mass media all over the world. For example, the artist Leonardo Dicario is invited to become global embassador of International Fund for Animal Welfare IFAW in order to raise public concern about protecting wild animal. Thanks to his involvement, over 7 million people in 15 countries participated in the preserving wild animal movement. In addition, people are more likely to give donation when they are called by the ones they admired. For example, a famous singer is easily to be able ask their fan to give money in helping the poor community. In short, people will mutually help the needy by fund raising as well as other contributions. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks if a wrong celebrity are presented in global campaign. Firstly, Some of famous people leads unhealthy life style. For example, a famous movies star Kevin McCallister who is famous from the movie named Home Alone however he is a drug addition. This leads people to have a bad impression about him. Therefore, he is a bad example for the one who will present international aid organizations. Furthermore, Some superstars only want to increase their fame by participating in community campaign rather than convey the intended message of organizations. As a result, since without passion working directly with organizations, the involvement of celebrities might be neglected and boycotted. In conclusion, although involvement of superstars in global aid organizations will have some negative impacts to society, it seems to me that their action will bring more positive changes to community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
power to raise public awareness of social issues such as poverty reduction or helping orphanages. While others suppose that this activity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might downplay
The phrase 'the significant of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the significant of
problems, I would argue that this trend will bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to society.

On one hand, associations repose trust in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
due to their
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "far-reaching".
far – reaching
influence.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are paid
attention not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by international fandom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mass media all over the world. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, the artist Leonardo
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dicario
is invited
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
Possible spelling mistake found.
embassador
of International Fund for Animal Welfare
Possible spelling mistake found.
IFAW
in order to raise public concern about protecting wild animal. Thanks to his involvement, over 7 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 15 countries participated in the preserving wild animal movement.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to give donation when they
are called
by the ones they admired. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
singer is
easily
to be
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'ask'.
able ask
their fan to give money in helping the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
mutually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the needy by
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
fund raising
as well
as other contributions.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks if a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
are presented
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
campaign.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leads unhealthy life style. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
movies star Kevin
Possible spelling mistake found.
McCallister
who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
from the movie named Home Alone
however
he is a drug addition.
Did you mean "these"?
This
leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression about him.
Therefore
, he is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for the one who will present international aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
superstars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to increase their fame by participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
campaign
rather
than convey the intended message of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
As a result
, since without passion working
directly
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
, the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
might
be neglected
and boycotted.

In conclusion
, although involvement of superstars in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts to society, it seems to me that their action will bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe famous people s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems Others think celebrities make the problem less important Disscuss both view and give your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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