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When schools do not have enough funding or teachers, some people think physical education classes should be cut, while others believe that courses in art and music should be eliminated first. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v.2

When schools do not have enough funding or teachers, some people think physical education classes should be cut, while others believe that courses in art and music should be eliminated first. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v. 2
Physical exercise is necessary for every growing student for the development of their good health. It is a real benefit that school curriculum contains physical education for their candidate. However, there are many people who believe that singing is more beneficial over physical education when there are funding crisis. According to me, the physical education is more necessary in school because of two reasons. The reasons are the development of good health of the young people and the teacher is needed to guide the physical training. First and foremost, in the present day, it is an important criteria to the success is to build a good physic of the young generation. They are the future column of our world. If they do not have good strength, immune system and high intellect, they will not perform will. That will result poor advancement of their life and our entire country. For instance, in my school days, I did different physical exercise like running, sit up, jodding and skipping and I still continue this exercise. That' s why, I am really possage a good health and youthful life. Whereas, my friend lives in different city, did not do any physical activity and causes different illness. Therefore, I strongly support that one should do physical activities and play rather that singing. Secondly, doing physical exercise is very tough and it involves various critical steps. If anyone does not follow each and every small step as mention that causes variety of serious physical damage and weakness. For that reason, it is mandatory to do any body exercise under the guidance of a master. That will not only reduce the probability of any negative outcome but also enhance more advantages. Therefore, it is compulsory to do any types of physical activities under the observation of a trained trainer. Finally, one can learn singing easily by attending public concerts and it is not necessary to learn singing under a teacher' s guidance. In conclusion, I agree that one should continue physical education in school when funding is concern. that is because of two reason - the physical education is necessary for a student and trainer is needed for the physical education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
for every growing student for the development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health. It is a real benefit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for their candidate.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that singing is more beneficial over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
when there are funding crisis.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the teacher
is needed
to guide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training.

First
and foremost, in the present day, it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "criterion"?
criteria
to the success is to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
physic of the young generation. They are the future column of our world. If they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
strength, immune system and high intellect, they will not perform will. That will result poor advancement of their life and our entire country.
For instance
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days, I did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
like running, sit up,
Possible spelling mistake found.
jodding
and skipping and I
still
continue this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s why, I am
really
Possible spelling mistake found.
possage
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health and youthful life. Whereas, my friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city, did not do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity and causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
illness.
Therefore
, I
strongly
support that one should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities and play
rather
that singing.

Secondly
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough and it involves various critical steps. If anyone does not follow each and every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
step as mention that causes variety of serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
damage and weakness. For that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, it is mandatory to do
Did you mean "anybody"?
any body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
under the guidance of a master. That will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the probability of any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhance more advantages.
Therefore
, it is compulsory to do any types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities under the observation of a trained trainer.

Finally
, one can learn singing
easily
by attending public concerts and it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to learn singing under a
Possible spelling mistake found.
teacher&
#039; s guidance.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that one should continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
when funding is concern.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
for a student and trainer
is needed
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay When schools do not have enough funding or teachers, some people think physical education classes should be cut, while others believe that courses in art and music should be eliminated first. Which do you think is preferable, and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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