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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.1

It is a fact that the role of women in the family and in the community has remarkably changed in the past two decades. Although several individuals have considered it a positive development, others think that it can lead to a serious problem for children, since they are getting less attention from their mothers who are mostly engaged at work. To a certain extent, I would agree with the statement. Mothers know the importance of allotting time for their children, so why do they often more time at work and neglect their children? To commence with, discussing other people’s arguments, they say that work engagements of the mother will never affect their children’s behavior. They say that children will understand the situation that they have to work to provide for their family. However, I opposed the said statement, because as well know, career women will have less time for their children. They have to leave home early in the morning, while their children are still sleeping in, and arrive back at night when they have been asleep. As result, they have lesser time for their family and children left alone at home. People also say that there are alternative ways of supervising children such as hiring maids or asking a relative to look after them while they have work commitments. I also disagree with this view because most children will never accept this. If this will happen, they become more depressed or stressed due to a lack of attention from their mothers which can possibly result in criminal activities to obtain attention. Furthermore, children usually aim for the awareness of their mothers despite having guardians. They tend to portray unusual behavior changes such as being naughty or growing up as a spoiled brat. In fact, children do not commonly follow their housemaid who looks after them, because they have the mentality that they are paid and no other relationship can connect them. What is more, the feeling of abandoned or neglected will question their self-worth which consequently leads to juvenile delinquencies in the future. To summarize, it is certain that many women have become indulge to wok these days, and some people think that the trend has caused some problems for the children. To a certain level, I would agree with that notion, because I believe that the mother is the most perfect one that guides and provide nourishment to their children. Can you afford to see a child be on the wrong path just because they often feel taken for granted and questioned their self of belongings? Precisely not!
It is a fact that the role of women in the family and in the community has
remarkably
changed
in the past two decades. Although several individuals have considered it a
positive
development, others
think
that it can lead to a serious problem for
children
, since they are getting less attention from their mothers who are
mostly
engaged at
work
. To a certain extent, I would
agree
with the statement. Mothers know the importance of allotting
time
for their
children
,
so
why do they
often
more
time
at
work
and neglect their children?

To commence with, discussing other
people
’s arguments, they say that
work
engagements of the
mother
will never affect their
children’s
behavior. They say that
children
will understand the situation that they
have to
work
to provide for their family.
However
, I opposed the said statement,
because
as well
know, career women will have less
time
for their
children
. They
have to
leave
home early in the morning, while their
children
are
still
sleeping in, and arrive back at night when they have been asleep. As result, they have lesser
time
for their family and
children
left
alone at home.
People
also
say that there are alternative ways of supervising
children
such as hiring maids or asking a relative to look after them while they have
work
commitments. I
also
disagree with this view
because
most
children
will never accept this. If this
will happen
, they become more depressed or
stressed
due to a lack of attention from their mothers which can
possibly
result in criminal activities to obtain attention.

Furthermore
,
children
usually
aim for the awareness of their mothers despite having guardians. They tend to portray unusual behavior
changes
such as being naughty or growing up as a spoiled brat. In fact,
children
do not
commonly
follow their housemaid who looks after them,
because
they have the mentality that they
are paid
and no other relationship can connect them.
What is more
, the feeling of abandoned or neglected will question their self-worth which
consequently
leads to juvenile delinquencies in the future.

To summarize
, it is certain that
many
women have become indulge to wok these days, and
some
people
think
that the trend has caused
some
problems for the
children
. To a certain level, I would
agree
with that notion,
because
I believe that the
mother
is the most perfect one that guides and provide nourishment to their
children
. Can you afford to
see
a child be on the
wrong
path
just
because
they
often
feel taken for granted and questioned their self of belongings?
Precisely
not!
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Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The position of women has changed markedly in the last few decades. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
430 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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