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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.2

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. with this opinion v. 2
As of today, the role of women in society has been immensely modified as women now are encouraged to pursue their own career while some argue that the lack of time spending for their children triggers the adolescent crime, which this writing will shed a new light on. To embark on, it is the financial stable together with the significant status that working women can make use of. The sources of revenue making by women can make a great contribution to the whole expenditure of the family, which resulting in the better education and lifestyles for children. Furthermore, being literate and experienced facilitates women to access the effectiveness educating and foster approach so that they can bring up their children well as well as keeping working. On the top of that, the modern women play an essential role in numerous fields as the women's achievements has been admitted thus, women should be stimulated to work. Nevertheless, one of the most vital role of women throughout the history is giving birth in associate with having the custody of children. Therefore, working women are claimed to be irresponsible for unable to stay close to their child hood and give them enough care that they deserve. Only being cared and loved appropriately can the children be well-being along with well-behaved, otherwise children are more likely to involve in crime in their adolescent. All in all, I firmly supposed that modern women should figure out how to balance their work as well as their home in order to accomplish all the works.
As of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in society has been
immensely
modified as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are encouraged
to pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that the lack of time spending for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
triggers the adolescent crime, which this writing will shed a new light on.

To embark on, it is the financial stable together with the significant status that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of. The sources of revenue making by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great contribution to the whole expenditure of the family, which resulting in the better education and lifestyles for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
, being literate and experienced facilitates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to access the effectiveness educating and foster approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can bring up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
well
as well
as keeping working. On the top of that, the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
play an essential role in numerous fields as the women's achievements has
been admitted
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be stimulated
to work.

Nevertheless
, one of the most vital role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
throughout the history is giving birth in associate with having the custody of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are claimed
to be irresponsible for unable to stay close to their child hood and give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
care that they deserve.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
being cared
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
appropriately
can the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be well-being along with well-behaved,
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to involve in crime in their adolescent.

All in all, I
firmly
supposed that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should figure out how to balance their work
as well
as their home in order to accomplish all the works.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. with this opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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