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Describe the man's problem, and the two suggestions that his friend makes about how to handle it. What do you think the man should do, and why? v.1

Describe the man's problem, and the two suggestions that his friend makes about how to handle it. What do you think the man should do, and why? v. 1
The following essay will discuss the strength and weaknesses of the men and women, and how this affects the profession election and the exclusions in jobs though the history. I think that currently there will not have to be a difference between the genders in terms of professions, it would be a matter of skills. Historically, the society had specific roles for each one of the genders. For example, women had to take care of children and the house, and, men had to hunt and defend the family. Many years later, this same idea was used in the factories, where the delicate tasks were developed by females; and hard work was done by males. Some people believe that this organisation is established based on the human body structure and the professions were classified by gender. However, in the XXI century, this conception is old-fashioned. The definition of the professional development should be selected only by the person. For instance, today many women work in construction areas, that is considered hard work, and there would not be a problem because the technology assures that they could do the job without any danger to their health. On the other hand, nowadays plenty of men are recognised for work in a kitchen, they are known as chefs. At the same time, it is common to find some man that are in charge of the housekeeping while their spouses work. In my opinion, it is not right to exclude any male or female from the development of a profession, those would be defined by the personal skills, knowledge and attitude.
The following essay will discuss the strength and weaknesses of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, and how this affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
election and the exclusions in jobs though the history. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
currently
there will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be a difference between the genders in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
, it would be a matter of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Historically
, the society had specific roles for each one of the genders.
For example
, women had to take care of children and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, and,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had to hunt and defend the family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
years later, this same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the factories, where the delicate tasks
were developed
by females; and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was done
by males.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is established
based on the human body structure and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
were classified
by gender.

However
, in the XXI century, this conception is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned. The definition of the professional development should
be selected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the person.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in construction areas, that
is considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and there would not be a problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the technology assures that they could do the job without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to their health.
On the other hand
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a kitchen, they
are known
as chefs. At the same time, it is common to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
that are in charge of the housekeeping while their spouses work.

In my opinion, it is not right to exclude any male or female from the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
, those would
be defined
by the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, knowledge and attitude.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Describe the man's problem, and the two suggestions that his friend makes about how to handle it. What do you think the man should do, and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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