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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their chil v.7

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their chil v. 7
In today's world advertisement has become a significant tool for marketing a product. Indisputably, it must be admitted that advertising creates awareness for products that may improve our lives. Nevertheless, one cannot deny the fact that promotion induces people to buy unnecessary products. I strongly believe that the latter is more correct. I will expatiate on both these viewpoints in the following passages and finally conclude by expressing my opinion. To start with, there is a plethora of compelling reasons why advertisements encourage people to buy unnecessary items. First of all, multinational organizations create crafted ads to allure consumers to purchase their products. For instance, Weight loss supplements are gaining so much popularity and heat in recent years. However, health experts are of the opinion that shedding the extra pounds is only possible through controlled proper diet and gym. Moreover, the products are promoted vigorously across many channels such as TV, social media and newspaper to gauze consumers' attention to buy a good that may be of no need to them. Admittedly, we cannot deny the fact that advertising is an effective and powerful way to spread the word about important issues in society and products, such as AIDS awareness, diabetes monitors, and other health-related concerns. If it weren't for mass-market multi-media campaigns informing about the public and safety concerns, then a world would have been a dangerous place to live. Furthermore, advertising of the same kind of products from different vendors helps in competitive pricing. For instance, the mobile phone adds from Samsung, Apple, and Nokia provides one with varying options to choose from and thus, greatly benefits us. In a nutshell, I firmly believe that advertising lures us to buy unwanted items through crafts ads and an influx of campaigns across various channels. On the bright side, promotions can be informative that can inform people of new products in the market that can help people live their lives less stressful and also, influence the pricing of goods.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world advertisement has become a significant tool for marketing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
Indisputably
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that advertising creates awareness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Nevertheless
, one cannot deny the fact that promotion induces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. I
strongly
believe that the latter is more correct. I will expatiate on both these viewpoints in the following passages and
finally
conclude by expressing my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there is a plethora of compelling reasons why advertisements encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary items.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, multinational organizations create crafted ads to allure consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, Weight loss supplements are gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much popularity and heat in recent years.
However
, health experts are of the opinion that shedding the extra pounds is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible through controlled proper diet and gym.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are promoted
vigorously
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
channels such as TV, social media and newspaper to gauze consumers' attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that may be of no need to them.

Admittedly
, we cannot deny the fact that advertising is an effective and powerful way to spread the word about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues in society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, such as AIDS awareness, diabetes monitors, and other health-related concerns. If it weren't for mass-market multi-media campaigns informing about the public and safety concerns, then a world would have been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
Furthermore
, advertising of the same kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vendors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in competitive pricing.
For instance
, the mobile phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
from Samsung, Apple, and Nokia provides one with varying options to choose from and
thus
,
greatly
benefits us.

In a nutshell, I
firmly
believe that advertising lures us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unwanted items through crafts ads and an influx of campaigns across various channels. On the bright side, promotions can be informative that can inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the market that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
less stressful and
also
, influence the pricing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their chil v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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