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Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v.9

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 9
While some people believe that boarding schools are an outstanding option for children, others disagree with this view. This essay will look into both sides of the argument and reach a logical conclusion. On the one hand, those who argue that boarding schools are a better option for children claim that children can easily learn discipline at the boarding, and it is the best place to gain academic qualifications. It is well-known that many boarding schools have a set of strict morning and night routines which children must obey and follow. For instance, they have to exercise for an hour in the morning. No electronic devices are permitted on the campus and no lights are allowed after a certain hour in the night. These strict routines and rules teach children discipline. For these reasons, some people advise that boarding schools are the best places for children to study. Conversely, those who argue against sending children to boarding claim that parents will lose control over their children. Children spend most of their time in boarding schools; therefore, parents will have no way of knowing what is happening in their children’s daily life. For example, parents have no way to find whether their children are being bullied at school. This level of distance between children and their parents is an unhealthy way of raising a child. In conclusion, it seems boarding schools can be a better option for children to learn discipline. However, it is not an excellent option because it affects the relation between parents and children, and it does not give a chance to parents to monitor their children on a daily basis.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are an outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, others disagree with this view. This essay will look into both sides of the argument and reach a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
learn discipline at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
, and it is the best place to gain academic qualifications. It is well-known that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have a set of strict morning and night routines which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
obey and follow.
For instance
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
exercise for an hour in the morning. No electronic devices
are permitted
on the campus and no lights are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
after a certain hour in the night. These strict routines and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
discipline. For these reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advise that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the best places for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study.

Conversely
, those who argue against sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will lose control over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend most of their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will have no way of knowing what is happening in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
daily life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have no way to find whether their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
being bullied
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This level of distance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is an unhealthy way of raising a child.

In conclusion
, it seems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can be a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn discipline.
However
, it is not an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects the relation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and it does not give a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on a daily basis.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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