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"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing up their children. "To what extent do v.8

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing up their children. " 8
Education being a fundamental right has been further categorized in a lot of different methods, and these methods have their own advantages and disadvantages. The 2 main categories are general schooling and home-schooling, both come with their own benefits. Home-schooling ensures that the method by which a topic is taught or time taken for the subject is dependent on the student, the tutor adjusts the duration of a course or use different methods to teach the same subject as per the students need. For example, maths is a really tough subject for some kids and they need extra attention and practice to perfect the same. Similarly, in homeschooling parents tend to pay attention to intricate details for their children. On the other hand, general schooling teaches kids to work in a team, to get the correct message and compete in the talent pool. Hence, it gives multiple opportunities to kids and gives them a platform to perform and proceed. Schools these days have adapted themselves to the latest technology and depicts synergism to students when it comes to school projects. Whereas in home-schooling, the student gets full attention and a bespoke course as per their own choice. In my opinion, general schooling should always be preferred for all the kids, as it gives a great insight into the day to day activities like sports, annual shows and other competitions. However, Schools can provide a kid to excel on multiple fronts, along with this it gives them a platform to learn amongst their friends. Home-schooling will not give a child much exposure to extra-curricular activities, neither it will give them opportunities to make friends from different culture. In conclusion, schools give overall brain development, as a result student's excel and grow in their lives, choosing for schools rather than homeschools.
Education being a fundamental right has been
further
categorized in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages. The 2 main categories are general schooling and home-schooling, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.

Home-schooling ensures that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
by which a topic
is taught
or time taken for the subject is dependent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, the tutor adjusts the duration of a course or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to teach the same subject as per the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
is a
really
tough subject for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids and
they need extra attention and practice to perfect the same.
Similarly
, in homeschooling parents tend to pay attention to intricate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
for their children.
On the other hand
, general schooling teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to work in a team, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the correct message and compete in the talent pool.
Hence
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
multiple opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
them a platform to perform and proceed.

Schools these days have adapted themselves to the latest technology and depicts synergism to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
projects. Whereas in home-schooling, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
full attention and a bespoke course as per their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice.

In my opinion, general schooling should always
be preferred
for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
a great insight into the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities like sports, annual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and other competitions.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
can provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to excel on multiple fronts, along with this it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
them a platform to learn amongst their friends. Home-schooling will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a child much exposure to extra-curricular activities, neither it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
overall
brain development,
as a result
Consider using the plural form here: "students".
student's
excel and grow in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, choosing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
rather
than homeschools.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay "Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing up their children. " 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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