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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their chil v.11

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their chil v. 11
In the past twenty years, women had experienced a change in their status in the society. Here was a change in the mindset of people that women should receive the same treat and there should be a balance between the status and position of males and females in the society. Because of this change, women can start to work in the society. However, there is an accusation that women are the culprits that cause many social problems to occur which are believed to have been done by young people as they are not at home taking care of their children. First and foremost, I do not agree to the argument as the occurrence of the problems was not the responsibility of women alone. The children who involved in crimes are perhaps because they want to attract attention from their parents. I have to emphasise the importance of the way the parents educate their children as this will affect the behaviour of their children. Many children who are caught for committing juvenile delinquency such as vandalism have been asked of their reasons to do so. It is surprising that most of the answers were they want their parents to care for them and show their love. Thus, even if the mothers are not working and stay at home taking care of their children, there is still possibility for juvenile delinquency to occur as what the children want is the love from their parents. They want their parents to devote some time to spend with them. It is therefore not fair to point the finger to women who are working. In addition, in my opinion, I feel that the responsibility and role played by the schools are very important in preventing the problems faced by young people. When children are learning in school, teachers shall pay attention to their students and monitor as many students as they can. For instance, if a student always plays truant, teacher should inform parents as this is one of the signals that shows the student might involve in juvenile delinquency. Besides, it is important that schools educate children on the impact of committing crimes so that the intimidate effects of the punishments could prevent juvenile delinquency. Although there might be some people think that women have responsibilities in taking care of their children, we shall not forget that there are two important characters in the family which are the father and the mother. Some people believe that children who commit crime are from incomplete families. Nonetheless, we have to admit mothers from incomplete families have many tasks to do besides caring for their children. Therefore, counsellors in the school should pay attention to those children come from incomplete family. To sum up, mother shall not be the only one to blame for not showing care to their children when juvenile delinquency occurs. Other parties should give helps to mothers in taking care of the children. It is important for children to have the education on the impacts of committing crimes and teach them to be more rational in everything they do.
In the past twenty years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
had experienced a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their status in the society. Here was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should receive the same treat and there should be a balance between the status and position of males and females in the society.
Because of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work in the society.
However
, there is an accusation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are the culprits that cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social problems to occur which
are believed
to have
been done
by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they are not at home taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their children.

First
and foremost, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the argument as the occurrence of the problems was not the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
alone. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to attract attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
the importance of the way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as this will affect the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are caught
for committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delinquency
such as vandalism have
been asked
of their reasons to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. It is surprising that most of the answers were they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
Thus
, even if the mothers are not working and stay at home taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, there is
still
possibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delinquency
to occur as what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to spend with them. It is
therefore
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to point the finger to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working.

In addition
, in my opinion, I feel that the responsibility and role played by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in preventing the problems faced by young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are learning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, teachers shall pay attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and monitor as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they can.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
always plays truant, teacher should inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as this is one of the signals that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
might involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delinquency
.
Besides
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on the impact of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'intimidate' is correct. If 'intimidate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the intimidate
effects of the punishments could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
delinquency.

Although there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have responsibilities in taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, we shall not forget that there are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
characters in the family which are the father and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
are from incomplete families. Nonetheless, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit mothers from incomplete families have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks to do
besides
caring for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'counsellors' is British English.
counsellors
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should pay attention to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from incomplete family.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
shall not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one to blame for not showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delinquency
occurs. Other parties should give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to mothers in taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have the education on the impacts of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and teach them to be more rational in everything they do.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
74Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their chil v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
515 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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