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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. with this opinion? v. 6
Nowadays, some countries show a significant increase in the birth rate within the same family. This has led to a drastic surge in its population. In response to this phenomenon, and in order to take over on the number of children, many governments like china and India have adopted new regulations and stringent measures, by adding additional taxes on each family who will not abide by the number of children eligible. It is generally agreed, that increasing in population, have several disadvantages. Firstly, it can affect the environment by increasing the carbon dioxide emission, as there will be more trucks and cars in the cities. Moreover, the deforestation will expand, as the governments will require a wide space for building new houses and buildings. Secondly, the population growth could lead to high unemployment rate. In fact, currently, many people are facing difficulty to find a job. Many graduates are without work, as a result, some of them are obliged to immigrate and leave their countries just to find a suitable employment. Therefore, how it would be the situation if the number of people continue to increase in the upcoming years? Thirdly, the increasing in population could influence the economy, as the governments are obliged to import more than exporting, this will have significant impact on the country development. In the end, I think adding taxes, is an extraordinary method to deter parents from giving new birth. It is the only and the most efficient way for the government to make people to put up with new regulations.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a significant increase in the birth rate within the same family. This has led to a drastic surge in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. In response to this phenomenon, and in order to take over on the number of children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
like
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
and India have adopted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
regulations and stringent measures, by adding additional taxes on each family who will not abide by the number of children eligible.

It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
, that increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, have several disadvantages.
Firstly
, it can affect the environment by increasing the carbon dioxide emission, as there will be more trucks and cars in the cities.
Moreover
, the deforestation will expand, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
will require a wide space for building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and buildings.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth could lead to high unemployment rate. In fact,
currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are facing difficulty to find a job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
graduates are without work,
as a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
are obliged
to immigrate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to find a suitable employment.
Therefore
, how it would be the situation if the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
continue to increase in the upcoming years?

Thirdly
, the increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
could influence the economy, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are obliged
to import more than exporting, this will have significant impact on the country development.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
adding taxes, is an extraordinary method to deter parents from giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
birth. It is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and the most efficient way for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to put up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
regulations.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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