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the following chart shows the adults of different ages of the UK who use the internet everyday. v.1

the following chart shows the adults of different ages of the UK who use the internet everyday. v. 1
The given chart illustrates the percentage of adults of different age groups using the internet daily between 2003 to 2006, in Great Britain. The horizontal axis of this chart represents the percentages of using the internet from 2003 to 2006 years while the vertical axis presents the different range of maturity groups. Over 65 years of people in the UK had the least percentage of internet users. The main subscribers of the internet were the youth groups of 16 to 24 years. In 2003 and 2004, they had the same percentage, which was 80 percentages, but in 2005, this figure was increased significantly to 100 percentages. In 2006, it was decrease gradually to 90 percentages. We can see from the chart that all of the life groups experienced an upward trend, according to their daily using of the internet during the given period. From the older age groups of 25 to 44, there was a slight growth, we can see from 50 percentages to 80 percentages between 2003 and 2006. There was a similar increase in the 45 to 54 years old, rising from 60 percentages to 80 percentages during the times while there was a further fluctuation we can see between the groups from 55 to 64 and the above 65 years. Although they had a minor fluctuation, the overall trend was upwards. To sum up, the adults between 16 to 64 had shown the greatest interest to use the internet on a daily basis from 2003 to 2006 but the above 65 age’s people had shown little interest to use the internet in the UK.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart illustrates the
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percentage
of adults of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age
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groups
using the internet daily
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2003 and 2006".
between 2003 to 2006
, in Great Britain. The horizontal axis of this chart represents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of using the internet from 2003 to 2006 years while the vertical axis presents the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
range of maturity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. Over 65 years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the UK had the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of internet users.

The main subscribers of the internet were the youth
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groups
of 16 to 24 years. In 2003 and 2004, they had the same
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percentage
, which was 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2005, this figure
was increased
significantly
to 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
. In 2006, it was decrease
gradually
to 90 percentages.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the chart that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
experienced an upward trend, according to their daily using of the internet during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period. From the older age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of 25 to 44, there was a slight growth, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from 50
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percentages
to 80
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percentages
between 2003 and 2006. There was a similar increase in the 45 to 54 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, rising from 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
to 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
during the times while there was a
further
fluctuation we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
from 55 to 64 and the above 65 years. Although they had a minor fluctuation, the
overall
trend was upwards.

To sum up, the adults
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 16 and 64".
between 16 to 64
had shown the greatest interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet on a daily basis from 2003 to 2006
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the above 65 age’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet in the UK.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay the following chart shows the adults of different ages of the UK who use the internet everyday. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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