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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. v.4

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. v. 4
In this modern era, women have created her own position and image in the society by doing the equivalent or more work than men and got the same respect as a man gets from the society. Now, women often work outside their homes as compared to the past. But, this trend creates problems for their children. To begin with, when the mothers are not at home, children face a number of problems like feeling loneliness, doing the work without the proper guidance, involvement in criminal acts and problem related to their schools and friends etc. In fact, without adult supervision they feel independent at a young age and willing to do anything. Because they know that no one is at home to teach them right and wrong. Further, they are in the phase of adolescence, in this age they feel right about any bad thing, in their life and lead to juvenile delinquency. Moreover, juvenile delinquency mostly happens among adolescents because these people are neither kids nor they are adults. Specially they have a lack of experience and knowledge about their mental, physical, social development and about society. As they are not able to understand the intentions of different people they easily get hijacked by the bad people's mentality. This makes it impossible for them to choose right or wrong and also feel pressure to do bad things. Last but not the least, most of the crimes in the world are committed by the teenagers and the crime rate done by this group is increasing day by day. In my opinion, firstly, they are not getting proper guidance from their parents as they go out for work, secondly, they are also getting influenced by other factors such as friends and act of famous stars in order to get attention of people. In conclusion, it is not necessary that, children whose mothers don't have time to be at home to supervise them, participate in the criminal act. Parents should have to make friendly relation with the children and should always support them.
In this modern era, women have created her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
position and image in the society by doing the equivalent or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the same respect as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
from the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
as compared to the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this trend creates problems for their children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when the mothers are not at home, children face a number of problems like feeling loneliness, doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without the proper guidance, involvement in criminal acts and problem related to their schools and friends etc. In fact, without adult supervision they feel independent at a young age and willing to do anything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they know that no one is at home to teach them right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Further
, they are in the phase of adolescence, in this age they feel right about any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing, in their life and lead to juvenile delinquency.

Moreover
, juvenile delinquency
mostly
happens among adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are neither
Use a comma before 'nor' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids nor
they are adults.
Specially
they have a lack of experience and knowledge about their mental, physical, social development and about society.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they are not able to understand the intentions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hijacked by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mentality. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it impossible for them to choose right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
also
feel pressure to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, most of the crimes in the world
are committed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and the crime rate done by this group is increasing day by day.

In my opinion,
firstly
, they are not getting proper guidance from their parents as they go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
secondly
, they are
also
getting influenced by other factors such as friends and act of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
stars in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attention of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, it is not necessary that, children whose mothers don't have time to be at home to supervise them, participate in the criminal act. Parents should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friendly relation with the children and should always support them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. v. 4

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
341 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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