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More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v.5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 5
Many wild animals are on the edge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. This essay first explains how occupying lands for cultivation and excessive hunting for luxury products are the main causes and secondly, discusses how these issues can be tackled by higher authorities promoting strict rules on occupying the land for cultivation purposes and spreading awareness about these endangered species to the public. There are many reasons why wild animals are getting extinct. Firstly, occupying forest lands for farming such as growing poultry and cultivating food products are diminishing the homelands of wild animals. As a result, this is causing them to flee away from their sources of food and water which is resulting in being extinct. Secondly, people are over-hunting specific rare wild animals for producing luxury items such as woollen clothes and designer wearables. In other words, irrespective of the fact that they are getting extinct the methods and demands are still rising over the time period. For instance, a recent article in The Times has stated that there has been a whopping 67% decrease in the rate of polar bears in the Northern Canadian provinces because they are being hunted for their skin in return to produce woolen jackets. These problems can be tackled by the government by opposing strict rules against limiting the lands for farming and cultivation where the majority of wild animals are living. This solution can tackle the issue of occupying less land near the wilderness. In addition to that, spreading awareness to the public about the extinction of animals and how this will affect our environment should be telecasted in news channels and articles. By implementing this, people will look for alternative sources of fashion and wearables which results in fewer killings of endangered species for luxury purposes. For instance, India had started a campaign called “Save the tigers” and it educated people about the problems human beings will face without this animal and as a result, it had decreased the hunting of these species by 87%. Therefore, it is patently clear that implementing these solutions is the key to tackle issues of wild animal extinction. In conclusion, the problems of wild animal extinction such as occupying lands and hunting them can be tackled by the government opposing strict rules regarding their limitations and educating people about their importance in our environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are on the edge of extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are on the endangered list. This essay
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
how occupying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
for cultivation and excessive hunting for luxury products are the main causes and
secondly
, discusses how these issues can
be tackled
by higher authorities promoting strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on occupying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
for cultivation purposes and spreading awareness about these endangered species to the public.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are getting extinct.
Firstly
, occupying forest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
for farming such as growing poultry and cultivating food products are diminishing the homelands of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
As a result
, this is causing them to flee away from their sources of food and water which is resulting in being extinct.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are over-hunting specific rare wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for producing luxury items such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
woollen
clothes and designer wearables.
In other words
, irrespective of the fact that they are getting extinct the methods and demands are
still
rising over the time period.
For instance
, a recent article in The Times has stated that there has been a whopping 67% decrease in the rate of polar bears in the Northern Canadian provinces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
being hunted
for their skin in return to produce woolen jackets.

These problems can
be tackled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by opposing strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
against limiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
for farming and cultivation where the majority of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are living. This solution can tackle the issue of occupying less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
near the wilderness.
In addition
to that, spreading awareness to the public about the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and how this will affect our environment should be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
in news channels and articles. By implementing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will look for alternative sources of fashion and wearables which results in fewer killings of endangered species for luxury purposes.
For instance
, India had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a campaign called “Save the tigers” and it educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the problems human beings will face without this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and
as a result
, it had decreased the hunting of these species by 87%.
Therefore
, it is
patently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that implementing these solutions is the key to tackle issues of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction.

In conclusion
, the problems of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction such as occupying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
and hunting them can
be tackled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
opposing strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regarding their limitations and educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about their importance in our environment.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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