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"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing up their children. "To what extent do v.9

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing up their children. " 9
There is hotly debated issue which discussed fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The discussion is mainly about the role of a father and a mother to their offspring. Some people argue that a dad should play an equally important role as a mom plays. This idea is against the argument that women should take the responsibility to bring up and nurture the children if they are the one to decide whether to have babies. First and foremost, I agree that fatherhood should be emphasised as much as motherhood as both parties have different roles to play in rearing up their children. From my point of view, a father is a tough character in which he has to work to make ends meet, he is the bread winner of the family. In other words, he can also be described as the backbone of the family. Therefore, it is important that a father should demonstrate his tough characteristic to the children so that the children understand they have to put effort to make hard earned money. The value of life is important to children especially when they are growing up so that they would make lesser mistakes in their life. As for the motherhood, the role played by a mother should be to show more care to her children. In the past, a mother was characterised as a person who take care of her home and cook for the family members. Although there is a change in today’s world where many mothers work during the day time, the role portrayed in the past should be played. However, it cannot be assumed that mother has the sole responsibility to her children. When a mother is willing to sacrifice her time and beauty to give birth, a father should treasure her sacrifice and take up the responsibility to rear the children. The environment of where the child is bringing up is important to his or her physical and mental development. Thus, fatherhood and motherhood should be equally emphasised. It is surprising to notice that people always have a great celebration on Mother’s Day than on Father’s Day even though a father works hard to make money in order to cover the daily expenditures of a household. In my opinion, the purpose of having celebration for Parent’s Day is to recognize their contribution and their roles and responsibility to the family. It is important to give recognition to their devotion of time to the family. I have to confess that both of the parents are the role models to their children in which one is a tough character and the other one is a soft and loving character. To sum up, I totally agree that fatherhood is as equally important as motherhood and thus, they should be emphasised. It is not fair for a mother to have sole responsibility to nurture her children even though she might be the one to decide on having babies. The roles of a father and a mother can have a prolong effect on the mindset of a child. It is said that parents are the mirrors if the children and a good child is nurtured by parents with love and care.
There is
hotly
debated issue which discussed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatherhood
ought to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motherhood
. The discussion is
mainly
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
to their offspring.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that a dad should play an
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
as a mom plays. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is against the argument that women should take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to bring up and nurture the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they are the one to decide whether to have babies.

First
and foremost, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatherhood
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motherhood
as both parties have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
to play in rearing up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From my point of view, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is a tough character in which he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, he is the bread winner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In other words
, he can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
as the backbone of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Therefore
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
should demonstrate his tough characteristic to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money. The value of life is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
especially
when they are growing up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
lesser mistakes in their life.

As for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motherhood
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
played by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
should be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more care to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In the past, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
was
Possible spelling mistake. 'characterised' is British English.
characterised
as a person who take care of her home and cook for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. Although there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers work during the day time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
portrayed in the past should
be played
.
However
, it cannot
be assumed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
has the sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
is willing to sacrifice her time and beauty to give birth, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
should treasure her sacrifice and take up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to rear the children.

The environment of where the child is bringing up is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
physical and mental development.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatherhood
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motherhood
should be
equally
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
. It is surprising to notice that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always have a great celebration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mother’s
Day than on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Father’s
Day
even though
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money in order to cover the daily expenditures of a household. In my opinion, the purpose of having celebration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parent’s
Day is to recognize their contribution and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to give recognition to their devotion of time to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
confess that both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
models to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in which one is a tough character and the other one is a soft and loving character.

To sum up, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fatherhood
is as
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motherhood
and
thus
, they should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
to have sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to nurture her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
even though
she might be the one to decide on having babies. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
can have
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'prolong' is correct. If 'prolong' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a prolong
effect on the mindset of a child. It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the mirrors if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
child
is nurtured
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay "Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing up their children. " 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
536 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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